


Only On Weekends

by taggedasbi



Series: no room for anyone else but you [1]
Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: Crushes ensue, Emma and Alyssa volunteer at the local nursing home, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Getting to Know Each Other, Mutual Pining, Origin Story, Underage Drinking, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 02:10:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19367971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taggedasbi/pseuds/taggedasbi
Summary: Nothing ever changes in Indiana. Especially in Alyssa Greene’s life. Every Saturday was the same, with Alyssa being forced by her mother to volunteer at Edgewater Senior Apartments.One Saturday, Alyssa's sense of normality is pulled from under her when Emma Nolan walks through the door to volunteer at the nursing home.It takes Emma and Alyssa too long to realise just how precious Saturdays are to them.orAn origin story where Emma and Alyssa crush on each other while volunteering at a nursing home, loosely inspired by Amy Shark songs.





	1. "there's a rhythm, there's a feeling"

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I had an idea for a bit of a different origin story for Emma and Alyssa, where they meet at a nursing home in Edgewater while volunteering on weekends. I found myself listening to Amy Shark’s discography and it felt like it was a Greenelan story that needed to be written. Each chapter is loosely inspired by the lyrics from one of her songs, which are fairly well-known in Australia but I’m not sure how much of a global sensation she is. Anyway, hope you enjoy this fic!
> 
> Fic title from Weekends - Amy Shark  
> Chapter title from All Loved Up - Amy Shark
> 
> P.S. It has been a long time since I've written any fanfic. Kindness and critiques welcome!

Nothing ever changed in Edgewater, Indiana. Especially in Alyssa Greene’s life. Every day followed the one before without variation, every day scheduled to the minute. 

That was true until one Saturday disrupted Alyssa’s monotonous, dream-like trance during Junior year. 

Alyssa’s weekdays were filled with school, studying, cheerleading practice, debate team meetings, and the inflated amount of socialising needed to keep your head above water in the social circles of James Madison High. Sunday consisted of the morning church service under her mother’s watchful eye and studying for the week ahead. On Saturdays, Alyssa volunteered at Edgewater Senior Apartments and spent most of her day listening to octogenarians talk about their lives. ‘Volunteered’ maybe wasn’t the best word to use, since her mother signed her up for it every week while she worked during the day for an extra line in Alyssa’s college applications. Still, Saturday’s gave Alyssa a day where she could escape the shallow conversations of her peers, forget about the work that was waiting for her at home, and talk to her favourite person, Louise. 

Louise was 87 years old, and one of the few residents at the facility that had retained all of her memory and kindness as she aged. Louise was unlike any other resident in that she had no family that visited her, but the stories she told about her life were so different from the other residents'. They mostly complained about the weather, the moral decline of the youth population in the town, or their families only visiting them on holidays. Alyssa preferred Louise’s perspective of the world, which always focused on the wonderful, precious, positive moments every day brought and her compassion to the world around her.

This one particular Saturday morning, Alyssa arrived in Louise’s room where the lady was already sitting at her window, staring out into the garden. She must have sensed Alyssa’s presence, and spoke cheerily before ever turning her gaze from the window.

“I have a wonderful feeling about today, dear.” Alyssa smiled as she stepped into the room, already enjoying the familiarity of her friend’s company.

“You know, I think I would believe you more if you didn’t say that every Saturday, Louise.” Louise poked her tongue out at Alyssa, pulling a face. Alyssa scrunched her nose up and smiled while she helped Louise to her feet. She might’ve been 87, but she sure didn’t act like it. 

“Alyssa, dear, this one is different. I know it is. I felt it in my bones when I woke up this morning. Maybe we’ll be having pancakes instead of oatmeal this morning.” Louise smiled happily, acutely aware of the improbability of that statement, but nevertheless enthralled by the idea. Alyssa looped her arm through Louise’s and walked her from the room, secretly wishing for pancakes to appear at breakfast to reward the woman’s good-naturedness.

When they arrived at the dining hall, Alyssa guessed the kitchen must not have heard her thoughts, because oatmeal was predictably being served to each of the residents. Louise sighed dramatically at the bowl of bland, colourless oatmeal, but her smile didn’t disappear. 

“I guess your good feeling must’ve been about something else, Lou. Pancakes for lunch?” Alyssa offered the final thought helplessly and hopefully, wishing she could satisfy the hopefulness Louise always carried around. 

Not a moment later, something happened that Alyssa wasn’t accustomed to on her Saturdays at Edgewater Senior Apartments. Like a sun shower she wasn’t expecting to get caught in. A blip in the usually constant lull of her weekend’s happenings.

Emma Nolan shuffled into the dining hall wearing a volunteer badge, shadowing her grandmother. 

Alyssa wasn’t at all surprised at Betsy Nolan’s arrival, she volunteered time across weeknights and some weekends regularly. What Alyssa wasn’t used to was anyone her age showing up to volunteer. Or seeing anyone from her school on Saturdays. Or seeing Emma Nolan look so drawn.

Louise smiled and waved Betsy over to their table, and Alyssa watched as Emma's grandmother adjusted her course to make a bee-line to greet them. Just then, Emma’s gaze wandered up until she locked eyes with Alyssa, who still hadn’t looked away from her classmate. Alyssa offered a small smile while they approached the table, but couldn’t help but notice Emma take a deep breath and crease her eyebrows. That made her chew on her bottom lip slightly. Why didn’t she seem happy to see someone she knew? Sure, they didn’t talk at school, but they were in some of the same classes. Alyssa, ever the people pleaser, usually tried to make the residents smile on her Saturdays. This Saturday she decided that her efforts might need to extend to Emma too, and help her not look so forlorn. 

One thing was for sure. This was not a normal Saturday. Alyssa briefly entertained the idea that Louise’s ‘good feeling’ might have been a bit askew this morning. 

Little did Alyssa know her Saturdays, and her life, would never be the same again. 

* * *

“Can’t I just wait in the pickup until you’re done?” Emma sounded more hopeful than she felt.

Betsy pursed her lips and patted her granddaughter’s hand softly. 

“No can do, missy. I need your help today to call bingo. My eyes aren’t what they used to be, and the numbers are so small and faded. What do you say?”

Emma sighed, resigned to the idea of not spending her Saturday in bed, watching Netflix, and crying where she couldn’t be heard. The voice in her head that remained stupidly positive told her that a change of scenery might be for the best, but Emma had suffered enough of a change of scenery for one week. 

They climbed out of the truck and Emma took stock of the faded yellow reception building and sparse gardens that lay before her. ‘Edgewater Senior Apartments - Some excitement in your retirement!’ was written in delicate blue cursive on the lawn sign. Another sigh shuddered through Emma’s chest. This was going to be a long day. 

Her grandma pulled ahead, covering the ground between the parking lot and reception while Emma fell into step behind her. Emma dragged her converse across the concrete path, struggling to remember another time she felt this tired, this listless, this broken. She didn’t feel this awful when she worked out she was a lesbian. Emma had actually felt relieved. Until her parents found her songbook, that was.

Emma’s downward spiral was disrupted when Betsy gripped her hand, finding her grandmother’s reassuring eyes.

“Come on kiddo, let’s go sign in.”

Emma offered her grandma a small smile, grateful for her comforting presence. She was thankful to her grandmother for a lot of reasons, really. Deciding that it couldn’t be that bad and that she actually did want to help out, Emma nodded more firmly and held the glass door open for her grandma.

It wasn’t until she stepped into the room that smelled of bland oatmeal, general mustiness, and a vaguely flowery waft of perfume that Emma let herself take in her surroundings. The walls were painted with a colour best described as faded pumpkin, and a few scattered canvases brought some colour to the otherwise plain room. The kitchen was bustling, with lumpy oatmeal being dolled into bowls and carted off to the seated residents by volunteers that all seemed to be just younger than Betsy. Emma noticed the curtains were drawn back for the morning light to stream in and wash out the colour of the walls further. Bleached pumpkin, Emma thought amusedly. 

Her amusement didn’t last long, not when she began to follow her grandma over to a waving resident and realised who was sitting with her. The world couldn’t be this cruel, could it? 

Alyssa Greene was staring at her, a smile playing at her lips. Great, just when she thought a weekend away from her normal routine might actually be a good thing, Alyssa Greene had to be where she was. Not that Emma had anything against Alyssa personally, but the entire jock/cheerleader contingent at school made her wary, if not entirely distrustful of their presence. Emma sighed, for the third time in nearly as many minutes, and pushed her legs to take her over to the table. 

When Emma reached the table, she felt her nervousness bubble up to her throat. She looked at Alyssa again, to find her still looking at her thoughtfully. Quickly, her face changed to flash a smile and look over at her grandmother. Just what she needed. Fake niceties from the most adored person in their class. 

“Good morning Betsy, how are you?”

Wait, Alyssa knew her grandma?

“Morning, Alyssa! And good morning Louise! I’m all the better for seeing your smiles, ladies. My granddaughter Emma is volunteering with me today. Say, Emma, Alyssa is in your class isn’t she?”

Grandma Betsy seemed unsurprised that Alyssa was here, maybe even happy. Had she known Alyssa would probably be here and chose not to prepare her granddaughter for the possibility? Emma made a mental note to pick that bone with her later.  
Emma blushed when she realised her grandmother was raising her eyebrows at her, waiting for a response. She looked like she had been scheming. 

“Uh, yeah, I think we have a few classes together.” Emma tried to seem nonchalant, or at least not as much of a freak as Alyssa thought she was.

“We do! We have chemistry, lit, and history together. It’s nice to have someone volunteering here my age, welcome aboard Emma.”

She had to remind herself of Alyssa Greene’s social standing because she almost sounded genuine when she welcomed Emma. Maybe the reason she thought it was sincere was that Alyssa actually knew the classes they shared. Usually, Emma just tried to imagine she was invisible at school and sometimes it seemed like she really was.

“Well sit down you two, you’re making my knees creak just looking at you,” Louise motioned to the chairs opposite hers warmly. “I’m glad you have a friend here Alyssa, I’ve been worried you’re starting to act as old as I look.”

Alyssa swatted Louise’s hand gently, grinning while the older woman innocently sipped at her oatmeal.

“Please Lou, you don’t look a day over 50. Besides, when has acting like a teenager ever been a good thing?”

Emma was surprised at seeing Alyssa act so warm towards Louise. It seemed like an impossibility in Emma’s mind for a girl as popular as Alyssa to care about other people, especially enough to volunteer at a nursing home. She once again shook off the feeling that Alyssa seemed genuine. Emma had to remember that Alyssa had the power to make her life a living hell. At least, more than it already was. 

As Betsy sat down and chatted with Louise and Alyssa, Emma set her jaw and forced out a smile. This was not how Emma imagined her Saturday going.


	2. "I still see you coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma and Alyssa finally have a conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note: I'm Australian and didn't realise just how many words I used in this chapter have alternate spellings in America. Sorry if it's a little distracting!
> 
> Chapter title from Don't Turn Around - Amy Shark

Emma had been dealing with a lot this week. 

It was the first full week she had lived with her grandma after her parents had discovered she was a lesbian and kicked her out. She had failed the first test of her high school career on Monday. Emma also wasn’t used to Alyssa acknowledging her at school. Sure enough, after their surprise meeting last Saturday at the nursing home, Alyssa Greene had begun to greet Emma in the hallways and give her a small wave and smile when she saw her in class. Emma was sure Alyssa couldn’t possibly be that nice, not really, and returned her niceties mildly while she waited for one of the jocks to inevitably prank her or pick on her. Even stranger was that absolutely nothing happened to Emma, and it really just seemed like Alyssa was trying to be nice. If she didn’t know better, she might have thought Alyssa seemed confused and disappointed that Emma didn’t react more positively to her greetings. 

It took a long time for Emma to psych herself on Friday night for the following day. She found her mind panning from questions about whether Alyssa would show up tomorrow, to wondering what game she was playing, and trying to squash down the hope she had that Alyssa had no ulterior motives. 

Saturday morning came around and despite Emma’s apprehensiveness, her grandma still dragged her to Edgewater Senior Apartments. It wouldn't be too bad, last weekend Emma barely say Alyssa after breakfast finished. This weekend she would just follow her grandma again and avoid Alyssa as much as possible.

Emma steeled herself at the entrance to the dining hall, stepping in and glancing around the room to locate the other girl. Emma recognised some people she met last week, volunteers flitting around to deliver oatmeal and make conversations with disgruntled and spaced out residents. It was Alyssa that she steeled herself to see, and she was the one she couldn’t find in the bustle of breakfast. She shook off the residual anxiety and followed her grandma to the kitchen to help with the breakfast distribution. Maybe she wasn't volunteering today. Maybe Emma was off the hook.

An echo of laughter filtered down the hallway leading to the dining area, loud enough to draw Emma’s attention. Alyssa walked steadily into the room, her arm looped through Louise's and her head thrown back, letting out an infectious laugh. She looked radiant, all smiles and curls and dimples and bubbliness, and she seemed to be totally wrapped in her conversation with Louise. Emma noticed that she was dressed more casually than she usually was at school, with faded mom jeans folded a few times and a well-loved grey knit sweater thrown over the top. Even though she looked more casual, it frustrated Emma that Alyssa still managed to look so good.

A sharp elbow in her side caused Emma to yelp in protest. She glared at her guilty grandmother while rubbing at her ribs. 

“Don't you look at me like that. If I didn't snap you out of it you would have been there all day. Let's get this gruel over there before it gets cold.” Betsy, with a spring in her step, started to lead Emma over to a group of residents.

Emma faintly blushed at being caught looking at Alyssa. In her defence, she was trying to work out how to survive now that her peers could bully her on weekends too. She just had to be wary of Alyssa and when she dropped the nice act. 

 

Breakfast went agonisingly slowly after Alyssa gave a wave to Emma from across the room, which she returned with little enthusiasm. Alyssa’s face flashed with that same look from before, confusion and a trace of... disappointment maybe? Only this time, Emma repeatedly felt the gaze of the other girl flick back to her while she was trying to listen to her table of residents. The attention she was getting from Alyssa was distracting, and she couldn't help but shoot a nervous glance her way. 

Alyssa ducked her head as Emma turned around, but it was Louise that met her glance. The woman smiled and held her gaze for a moment longer than Emma felt was comfortable, and she hurriedly turned her attention back to Leon’s recount of yesterday's breaking news stories. Emma was focusing on Leon so strongly that she didn’t notice Alyssa arrive at the head of the table. 

“Excuse me, everyone,” Alyssa’s gentle and kind tones startled Emma, though she tried not to show it. She waited for Leon to stop mumbling about the Clintons before she spoke again. “Marley, Louise was wondering if you wanted to go outside to the gardens with us?”

Marley was one of the less opinionated but more spaced out residents. Emma had noticed the woman humming clutches of the same tune over and over while barely interacting with other people. It was Betsy that answered for her when Marley didn’t seem to register Alyssa’s question. 

“That would be really good for her dear, I’m sure she will love the sunshine.” 

Alyssa rounded the table and began to manoeuvre Marley’s wheelchair out while repeating softly where they were going. 

“Oh no Alyssa, don’t be silly,” Emma’s grandmother continued, “You already have Louise to worry about. Emma will help with Marley.” 

If Emma didn’t know her grandmother so well, she would have thought she looked totally innocent. The pointed stare and the glint in her eye as she waved Emma off gave her away though. She was up to something, Emma was sure. What she wasn’t so sure of was whether or not she knew she was making her granddaughter’s nerves balloon in her chest. 

Alyssa looked just as stunned as she felt, but Emma knew better than to argue with her grandma. She went to retrieve the wheelchair, expecting Alyssa to step away when she got there. But she didn’t. Alyssa looked sort of like she’d forgotten how to move her legs, and Emma awkwardly bumped shoulders when she moved behind Marley’s chair. The contact seemed to send a charge through Alyssa’s body and she stumbled backward and out of Emma’s space. Emma tried not to think about how beautiful Alyssa looked when some loose curls fell in front of her eyes, and how endearing it was to see someone, usually so perfect, freeze and falter the way she just did. 

“Sorry, I -.” Their words echoed at the same time and the girls blinked at each other, trying to break out of the awkwardness of the contact and the simultaneous apology.

“Emma, Louise is waiting for Marley over there, you’d better get a move on. And be careful!” Betsy added the last part hurriedly and as an afterthought, seeing Emma’s hands jerk the chair quickly away from the table. 

She took greater care when wheeling Marley over to where Louise waited at the door, but she still felt her nervousness bubbling in her stomach while Alyssa trailed behind her. 

“Alyssa, would you mind opening the door for us?” Louise sounded amused, but her question seemed to snap Alyssa back into her usual, put-together self. Alyssa smiled kindly to each of them as she held the door open for Louise, Marley, and Emma to pass through to the garden path.

Emma pushed the wheelchair behind Louise and had to slow down considerably so as not to run the older woman over. She took three deep breaths, willing herself to calm down and take some control back over her nerves. She felt the paved path beneath her as she scuffed her sneakers along the surface, felt the warmth of the sun graze her cheeks as they stepped out from under the building’s overhang, felt her stomach flip as Alyssa skipped around her and over to Louise’s side. 

When they reached a bench in the garden above the algae-ridden pond, Louise settled down into the corner of the seat, Alyssa slipping into the middle spot. Emma locked the wheelchair’s brakes so that Marley was positioned next to Louise, and nervously shuffled her feet before moving to the free space next to Alyssa. Louise brightly picked up a conversation with Marley, who seemed to be listening intently until her attention was pulled away by a butterfly flitting over the pond’s surface. Louise kept chatting away, but a silence settled between Alyssa and Emma as they sat side by side. Alyssa seemed keen to break through that silence.

“So, Emma, how are you liking ESA?”

“Uh, ESA?” Emma asked clumsily while she silently reminded herself to not give Alyssa a reason to bully her.

“Sorry, I meant Edgewater Senior Apartments. It’s a bit of a mouthful sometimes, and I shorten it in my head, but of course, I shouldn’t have assumed you’d think that.” She cut herself off, seeming to realise she was rambling through their awkward conversation.

“Right. It’s okay I guess. I didn’t really get a choice, I’m just helping out my grandma really.” Alyssa cocked her head to the side, a little smile lingering on her face. 

“Oh, me too. I mean, I love it now because I get to spend time with Louise every Saturday, but my mom signed me up for this about a year ago. I wasn’t too thrilled about it when I started, but this place grows on you. Plus, it’s meant to sound good on college applications. Community engagement and all that.” She petered off again, and Emma suppressed her instinct to ask Alyssa a question in return. 

Louise was still talking animatedly to Marley, who seemed like she was dozing off in the sun. Alyssa looked over her shoulder to the residents, before looking down at her feet and skimming the toes of her shoes over the dirt.

“So,” Alyssa drew out the word, searching for something to say in the silence. “How are you finding the historical investigation Ms. Reeves assigned us?” 

Emma hesitated before offering another completely useless reply, hoping Alyssa would just stop acting so nice soon. 

“Yeah, it’s okay. It’s not due for a while though.”

Alyssa was silent for a while after that, and it took Emma a few moments to look up at her cautiously. Alyssa’s eyes were teary, and she was staring intensely at the pond. Emma opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, Marley loudly exclaimed that she needed to pee. Emma stood up, seeing the opportunity to extricate herself from the situation, but Louise stopped her. 

“Alyssa, why don’t you take Marley back inside. You know where to find Amy, she’ll take over from there.”

Alyssa shot up and determinedly wheeled Marley back inside, not wasting a moment to respond to Louise before rushing off. Emma didn’t quite know what to do with herself, so she sat back down on the bench. 

“Emma, dear, why are you being so completely rude to Alyssa?”

The question caught Emma off guard, and her mouth gaped open at Louise instead of replying. 

“You are being rude, but I don’t understand why. Alyssa has been making an effort to be nice, and you keep shutting her down. What’s going on in there?” Louise motioned to Emma’s forehead and waited for her response. Emma chose her words carefully.

“Alyssa isn’t the sort of person that just talks to someone like me, not really.” Emma didn’t want to get into high school’s social politics with Louise, so she just left it at that. Better than she’s the most popular girl in school and I don’t want to give her an opportunity to bully me. 

“What exactly do you think she’s trying to do? She’s not talking to you in the hopes that you keep giving her the cold shoulder. She’s making the effort because she wants to get to know you. Whatever kind of person you already think she is, you’re wrong. Alyssa is the best part of my week, and she makes me feel like I’m the best part of her’s. And if you keep upsetting her this much, I will have words with you again. I won’t be so civilised the next time this comes up.” 

The woman sounded stern, but not unkind.

Emma felt like she was eating sour gummies. She was right. Emma was acting like a jerk to try and prevent Alyssa from being a jerk to her. The other girl has had a whole week to ridicule her, set her jock friends off on a bullying spree, and could have ignored her instead of waving and making conversation. As the weight of her complete jerkiness was realised, Emma felt the sourness creep down to her chest. 

“I’m sorry, Louise, you’re right. I haven’t been very nice, and Alyssa has been. I’m not used to the popular kids being nice to me. I messed up.” She had been looking down at her shoes, but Louise was looking at her gently when she finished. 

“That’s alright, dear. The person you should really be apologising too is over there, though.” Louise flicked her head towards the main building, and Emma checked over her shoulder to see Alyssa walking slowly back over to the bench. She knew the sour feeling wouldn’t go away until she tried to apologise. Emma stood up, wringing her hands at her waist, waiting for Alyssa to approach. Her loose curls had been tucked away, and there was no trace of the effervescent smile Emma glimpsed before. She was so focused on what to say to Alyssa, she hadn’t noticed Louise move away from the bench behind her.

“Don’t chicken out, dear.” Louise left Emma standing at the bench, the acidic taste biting at her tongue. 

When she turned back around, Alyssa had changed course to skirt around the bench and rejoin Louise. Emma knew it was her turn to make the effort. 

“Wait, Alyssa, please,” She was surprised by the earnestness in her own voice, but maybe that what made Alyssa pause. Once she started apologising, she seemed to forget how to stop. 

* * *

Alyssa knew she probably shouldn’t have pushed the wheelchair quite so forcefully up the path to the main building, but she was trying to escape her frustration and confusion. What had she done to make Emma freeze her out like that? 

Her emotions must have been playing out on her face because Amy looked a little alarmed when Alyssa found her. She tried to mute her expressions and soften her voice.

“Hi Amy, Marley needs to use the restroom. Do you mind taking over for me?” 

“Of course. Are you okay?” Amy’s eyebrows creased when asking the question, and Alyssa plastered the friendliest smile she could muster to her face. 

“Yeah, I am. Thanks for helping me out.”

She watched Amy wheel Marley away, but Alyssa had begun to feel dread wash over her. She’d have to go back out there for Louise. And Emma was going to be there. Emma, who for some reason had decided Alyssa wasn’t worth a whole-hearted wave, a complete answer, or even a proper smile. Alyssa suddenly felt heat rush to her face, and she pulled her sweater off quickly and tied it around her waist.

When she turned on her heel to make the walk back out to the garden, she found herself facing Betsy Nolan, who had a concerned look on her face. 

“Alyssa, love, what’s the matter?”

Alyssa hesitated. She didn’t exactly want to confide in Emma’s grandmother the fact that she was upset. Before she could give another ‘no really, I’m fine’ performance, Betsy continued.  
“If it’s my granddaughter’s doing, forgive me. She has a good heart, kiddo, she’s just used to that being punished more than rewarded. I’ll have a chat with her, and remind her of her manners.”

Alyssa stopped Betsy from heading Emma’s direction, giving her a reassuring smile. The woman was being vague about her granddaughter, but it seemed like a private piece of information. A little window into why Emma was rebuffing her. 

“It’s alright, Betsy. It’s just taking me a little longer to win Emma over than I’m used to. All the residents here forget too much to be awkward about getting to know someone. I’m okay, I promise. And, thanks, by the way. For coming to check up on me. That was really nice of you.”

Betsy’s face softened into a gentle smile, deciding she believed Alyssa. 

“Okay then, love. Better not let Emma frustrate Louise for too long either.” At that, she shuffled back over to a table of residents with playing cards that seemed to be having an unsuccessful game of Go Fish. 

Alyssa was used to people liking her, but she had to admit that it sounded vain even as she thought it. She had gotten invested in Emma liking her very quickly, and her frustration was probably a bit inflated than it should have been. Pausing only to take one more calming breath and tucking her hair behind her ears, Alyssa pressed herself forward until she found herself on the garden path again.

Maybe she needed a new plan of attack. Emma probably didn’t want to talk about school assignments on her Saturday. What did Alyssa know about her that she might be more interested in talking about? Bitterly, she thought she might have had an answer to that if Emma had just talked to her earlier on that bench. 

Movement ahead attracted Alyssa’s gaze to the bench, where Emma stood nervously while Louise walked further down the path. Alyssa decided her new plan of attack could wait until later and veered off the path to reunite with the familiarity and warmth Louise’s company promised. 

Emma turned around to see her adjusted course and her words sounded strangled, but sincere.

“Wait, Alyssa, please,” she paused, but so had Alyssa. Emma’s sentences bled into one in her hurry to halt her.

“I have been a jerk to you even though you were being nice to me, and you don’t deserve that. I wish I had a good enough excuse, but I don’t. I’m really sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I want you to know that I really mean it. And I’m sorry that I missed the opportunity to get to know you better, too. I’m just really, really sorry.” 

Alyssa believed Emma. She believed that she meant it. She spoke with conviction, even though she was weaving her fingers together nervously. If anything, that helped her believe the apology more. 

She closed the distance between them and extended her hand to Emma.

“How about we start over? I’m Alyssa, and I’d like to be your friend.” She knew it sounded childish, but it felt like the right thing to say. 

Emma grinned lopsidedly, her glasses catching the sun as she reached over and shook Alyssa’s hand. 

“Deal. I’m Emma, and I’d really like that.”

Alyssa had never noticed the spattering of freckles on Emma’s cheeks before, or the way the skin near her eyes crinkled as she smiled. She hadn’t imagined her palm feeling so soft against her own, either. 

Emma laughed in a breathless, jittery sort of way, as Alyssa realised she was still holding Emma’s hand. Alyssa felt heat prickle at her cheeks as she dropped her hand, trying not to dwell on the way the other girl’s reflected the sunlight in the most interesting way. 

“Think we should go check on Louise?” Alyssa chose to take Emma talking to her more gently as a good sign and smiled at her warmly. 

“She can get into a lot of trouble if we don’t keep an eye on her. It takes a village to keep that woman in check, that’s for sure.” 

Emma grinned again and began to lead the way down the path. 

“So, I’m actually finding that history assignment to be torturous. We have to pick an ancient society that isn’t the Greeks, Egyptians, or Romans? Those are my three favourites!”

This felt much better. More relaxed. Alyssa briefly wondered what gave Emma this change of heart before responding. 

“But it opens up so many possibilities! Think of the Spartans, they’re close to Greece but have really interesting politics. Or the Etruscans, if you’re more into ancient languages. I’m currently stuck between choosing the Persian empire or one of the earlier Mesopotamian civilisations.”

Just as Alyssa worried she was being too geeky about history, Emma’s nose wrinkled and she smiled wide. 

“Y’know, you’re not as scary as I thought you were. You seem - and don’t take this the wrong way - you seem normal. In a way that popular kids aren’t.”

Alyssa smiled at the roundabout compliment. Was it a compliment? Emma sounded like she meant it to be.

“Besides,” Emma continued, “I didn’t think anyone at our school even knew Echosmith, let alone had their merch.” 

Emma nodded at Alyssa’s T-shirt, which was oversized and black with the band’s name visible just above where she had tucked it into her jeans. Alyssa was thrilled. She had tried to get Kaylee and Shelby into a few songs, but indie music just wasn’t their ‘thing’. 

“You like Echosmith? No way!” She grinned while pushing the door open to the recreational centre, letting Emma step inside first. 

“Yeah, they have a really great sound. Plus, the lyrics are usually pretty solid.”

“Which song is your favourite?”

“Um, honestly? ‘Tell Her You Love Her’. It sounds sappy and lame, but I really like it.” Alyssa watched as Emma’s cheeks flushed pink.

“It’s not lame, that’s one of their best. I’m always torn between ‘Cool Kids’ and ‘Come With Me’, though.”

Emma looked at her incredulously then shook her head.

“‘Cool Kids’? Really? Alyssa, you are the cool kid. The lyrics are about wanting to be one. You don’t have to try and be like them, you already are.” 

“Sometimes, Emma, it’s hard to fit in with the people you hang out with. I listen to that song when I feel like I’m too different to be one of them.”

Alyssa wasn’t sure how that thought had managed to get past her usual filter, but it made Emma look at her like she was curious about that slip-up. Eager to find out more, even. 

Or maybe that was just Alyssa projecting, because she was suddenly very curious about Emma, too. 

“Alyssa, Emma! Get over here and help me catch this crazy bee!”

Louise was hobbling around with her walking stick and trying to net a bee with a plastic bag. Alyssa rolled her eyes at Emma in an ‘I told you so’ way and smirked before jogging over to her aid. 

She was so engrossed in the hunt with Louise that she didn’t see Emma’s smile grow and her eyes soften when the bee was finally caught by Alyssa’s leaping jump shot with the bag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I really appreciate the comments and kudos that were left after the first chapter, it means a lot! Stay tuned for the gay spiral ahead!


	3. "I took your number quicker than my next breath"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alyssa and Emma go grocery shopping
> 
> Alyssa and Emma both feel a little awkward around each other this weekend, and it's up to Betsy and Louise to gently nudge them out of it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm starting to think this fic is going to get to about 9 chapters, so that's the arc I'm working with atm. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Chapter title from Weekends - Amy Shark

Alyssa had meant to listen to her mother. Really, she had been trying.

It was Saturday morning again and her mother was running late for work. Alyssa nodded along as Mrs Greene rattled off a list of reminders while she packed her handbag. _Don’t forget you have that calculus test_ and _remember to practice the new cheer before Monday_ brushed right past Alyssa’s thoughts. It was only when her mother became indignantly shrill that Alyssa turned her full attention to the frazzled face breathing heavily in front of her.

“ _Alyssa_. What is going on with you?”

Alyssa felt the colour run from her cheeks.

“Sorry, mom. I was just thinking about how much is going on at the moment. What was that last thing?”

“I was _saying_ that I need you to get the groceries this afternoon. Can you do that after volunteering?”

Alyssa barely hesitated before agreeing, but she felt the weight of another task, another brick, add itself to her mind. Sometimes, Alyssa dearly wished that she had a sibling to share this emotional and mental load with. Someone she could get along with easily. Someone like Emma.

“Sure, mom, I will. I’ve got to go, or I’ll miss the bus. Have a good day at work.”

The door closed behind her as Alyssa let go of the breath she had been holding. She loved her mom, but sometimes she was just _too much_.

As Alyssa walked to the bus stop, she wondered whether sometimes she was too much as well.

 

The bus was late, and Alyssa was jittery. It’s always late, but something about this week just riled up Alyssa’s anxiety. The bus was taking too long to get to the nursing home. Alyssa forced her eyelids to close and realised belatedly that her earphones were silent. She had forgotten to hit play. Another breath, another exhale. Alyssa scrolled through her playlist, but nothing interested her this morning. Then she had an idea.

Alyssa settled into the bus seat and tried to relax into the comfort of the Echosmith album she had been replaying all week. Even though she was a fan, she had forgotten just how good they were until Emma had mentioned she liked them last Saturday. The melodies had been circling in her mind all week, and any other songs she tried to listen to just didn’t hold her attention for very long. Alyssa knew she tended to fixate on things, which is why she couldn’t stop listening to these songs. Not because she was fixated on Emma, just this band they both liked.

As Edgewater Senior Apartments came into view, Alyssa suddenly felt the anxiety flood back. She dug around in her bag, finding a pocket mirror and her lip gloss. She applied it hastily, not stopping to think about why she thought she needed the lip gloss.

The bus stuttered to a stop, and Alyssa thanked the driver before she stepped onto the path. She shouldered her backpack. Breathe in, breathe out. She must be worried about all the things she has to study for this weekend. Alyssa opened the door. Breathe in, breathe out. Alyssa went to line up behind the pair in front of her to sign in at the reception.

_Breathe in._

Emma turned around at that moment, and as she spotted Alyssa a smile spread across her face, reaching up to her sparkling eyes -

Alyssa realised she wasn’t breathing.

 

By the time she reached Louise’s door, Alyssa was more than a little red in the face. For some reason, she had found it almost impossible to return Emma’s ‘hey’. Instead, all she could manage was a pathetic wave. Which she immediately regretted. Today was off to a strange start.

“I have a wonderful feeling about today, dear.”

Louise’s motto redirected Alyssa’s thoughts, and she forced herself to start acting more normal. She was usually really good at that.

“You know,” Alyssa mused, “That is the first sensible thing I’ve heard all morning.” She placed her bag just inside the door and held her hand out for Louise as she got closer.

Instead of grabbing her hand, Louise looked at Alyssa like she was trying to read a sign in another language.

“Something about you is different today. Can’t put my finger on what it is, though.”

Louise made it sound like a question, and Alyssa suddenly felt very self-conscious.

“I, uh, put some lip gloss on earlier. I guess I mustn’t usually?”

Louise’s wrinkles deepened, and she didn’t look convinced. She took Alyssa’s hand eventually and they walked in the direction of the dining room.  
“Who’s the gloss for?”

_Emma._

_Shit._

_Breathe in. Breathe out._

“It’s for me, I guess. I had some extra time this morning and it’s new, so I thought I’d try it out.”

She wasn’t sure she had convinced Louise or herself, but she seemed satisfied with Alyssa’s answer.

“Well, I think it looks beautiful on you. What do you think, Emma?”

Alyssa hadn’t realised Louise had led them to the table where Emma and Betsy were helping some of the residents eat their oatmeal.

Emma looked startled and confused, but Alyssa just felt her throat constrict. Louise, intent to hear Emma’s thoughts, reframed the question. She sounded almost pleased with herself.

“Alyssa is trying out a new lip gloss. I think it looks pretty. What about you?”

Emma’s eyes flicked to Alyssa’s, then lower, and then to a spot on her own sleeve.

_Breathe in._

“Yeah, I, uh…”

_Breathe out._

“...looks great.”

Alyssa’s stomach dropped like she was on a rollercoaster. She tried to read Emma’s face, but it wasn’t a look she recognised immediately.

Alyssa excused herself to retrieve Louise’s breakfast, but as she was walking away, the expression registered in Alyssa’s mind.

_Shame?_

  
* * *

  
_Amazing. Stunning. Beautiful. Gorgeous._

“Looks great.”

_Yeah, that was safe._ It also felt safe to look away, to not think about how Alyssa’s eyes shone, or how her lip gloss made the curve of her lip -

_Not safe._

Emma didn’t look up from her hands until Alyssa trudged off to the kitchen. She decided to avoid the look her grandmother was giving her and go back to feeding John his oatmeal.

 

Thankfully, Emma hadn’t crossed paths with Alyssa since breakfast, which had given her time to calm down and shake the embarrassment from earlier. It wasn’t that Alyssa was wearing lip gloss. It was that Emma didn’t want to notice that Alyssa was wearing lip gloss.

Last Saturday, Emma felt like she had made her first _real_ friend in Alyssa. Then, at school, Alyssa continued to wave at her in the hallways, seeming not to notice the confused, disapproving looks that Kaylee and Shelby gave her while she did. Emma had even felt confident enough to wave back, and the grin Alyssa responded gave her even more encouragement.

It felt great being friends with Alyssa. At least, she hoped they were friends. She had looked forward to talking to Alyssa at the nursing home all week, but instead of the cheerful exuberance from last week, Alyssa just seemed strained.

_Had she done something?_

Emma shrugged off the thought. She wasn’t about to overthink this. And she certainly wasn’t going to lose her new friendship with Alyssa over her own self-consciousness.

It wasn’t until the end of the day that Emma ran into Alyssa again. Mostly, she was thrilled to see her. A very small part of her still felt awkward, but she tried to push it aside.

Alyssa was stuck to Louise’s side, as was normal, but she looked tired. Louise was frowning at her with concern.

Emma ignored the thoughts in her mind that still sounded out _not safe not safe_ , and went to meet them.

“Hey there, Alyssa, Louise. Is something wrong?”

Alyssa’s eyes twinkled even when she looked exhausted. Emma waited for the voice in her head to reprimand her for thinking that, but no such thoughts came.

“Emma, dear, everything is fine. Alyssa was just telling me about all the studying she has to do this weekend, and on top of that, she has to go to the supermarket for her mother after she finishes up here. I just worry that she does too much.”

Alyssa smiled as though she was a little embarrassed, but when she looked up at Emma, there was only one thing on her mind.

_Safe._

Emma’s breathing stuttered.

_Holy shit._

“I can help? With the shopping, I mean? I don’t think you need my help with studying, you’re top of the class…”

Emma trailed off, realising she had started to ramble. She watched as Alyssa reached over and lightly grazed her fingertips over her elbow. Emma felt like her skin was on fire where Alyssa had touched her.

_Safe._

“That is _so sweet_ , Emma. But really, you don’t have to. I’ve only got to pick up a few things on my way home.”

Emma was so distracted by the tingling at her elbow and the gentle inflections of Alyssa’s words that she hadn’t noticed her grandmother appearing behind her.

“Actually, Emma, I was going to get some groceries later. Would you mind going instead? You can take the pickup and drop Alyssa home afterwards. I’ll get a lift home with Terry so you can go straight there.”

Emma grinned at Alyssa.

“See? I’m gonna be heading that way anyway. It’ll mean you don’t have to carry groceries all the way home.”

Alyssa softened, as though something that had been stressing her out had just disappeared.

“That would be really great if you’re both sure.”

“We’re happy to help,” Betsy reassured her. “Now, you two head off, I’m going to get some tea for Louise.”

Alyssa nodded and left to get her bag, while Emma went to wait by the truck. On her way there, her phone buzzed in her pocket.

 

_I_ _just need a packet of macaroni shells_

_Grandma, we both hate macaroni?_

_See you at home x_

 

Emma was confused but knew better than to question her grandmother.

 

  
The supermarket’s overhead lights washed out the colour of everything in the store, so even the vegetables looked sad to be there.

Emma carried the basket while Alyssa searched for the items on her list. They had talked on the way there, but Emma wondered why their conversation didn’t feel quite as natural as it had the weekend before. Now that they were shopping, Alyssa was silent while she hunted for the firmest oranges on the pile.

And then, for the second time that day, Emma spoke before thinking.

“Knock knock.”

_Really?_

Alyssa turned slowly to look at Emma, her eyebrows furrowed but a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“Who’s there?”

“Uh, banana.”

Alyssa giggled and Emma felt like she’d just won the lottery.

“Banana who?”

“Knock knock.”

Alyssa looked incredulously at Emma.  
“Um, Em…”

Emma’s stomach flipped at the nickname but she persisted.

_“Knock knock.”_

_“Who’s there?”_

“Banana.”

“Banana who?”

“Knock knock.”

Alyssa sighed dramatically, but she was smiling enough to fuel Emma’s confidence.

“Who’s there?”

“Orange.”

Alyssa pulled a face.

“Orange who?”

“Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?”

Emma raised her eyebrows, waiting for a reaction.

Alyssa snorted and burst into laughter, so loud and joyous that other customers had turned to look at them. Emma wanted to make Alyssa laugh like this forever. Thank God she had more stupid jokes up her sleeve.

It seemed like they had laughed for hours, they laughed so hard that Emma felt a stitch forming in her side.

When the laughs subsided into giggles, Alyssa gathered herself enough to ask a question.

“Do you wanna get a coffee after this?”

“Don’t you have to get home and study?”

“I don’t want this to end yet. Please?”

Emma was speechless for a moment. All she could do was nod and grin.

 

Grocery shopping was _fun_ with Alyssa. It had never been fun with her parents, but nothing ever was. With Betsy, it was pleasant, but not _fun_. Once Alyssa let go of whatever stress was holding her back, she and Emma had a blast. Alyssa only fell quiet once, when Emma perused the chocolate aisle and chose a block to share. Emma didn’t press, but she thought it was important enough to remember later.

Alyssa surprised her when she ordered a black coffee. Not that Emma had thought about it much, but she hadn’t imagined that the cheerleader enjoyed a sensible coffee.

“I thought popular kids only drank coffee that had three pumps of caramel and whipped cream?”

“That is _not coffee_. And I already told you, I’m not as close to those guys as you think I am. Kaylee and Shelby, yeah, but only because we spend so much time together for cheer. I like them, but I’m not _like_ them. At least, I don’t think I am?”

Emma compared what she knew about Alyssa to what she knew about her friends. People liked Alyssa because she was nice to them. People tended to like Kaylee and Shelby because they were scared of the pair.

“You’re not. Like them, I mean. No offence to your friends, but they can be kinda mean. But you, Alyssa Greene, are a total s’more. You look tough on the outside, but you are absolutely soft and sweet on the inside.”

The tackiness of the compliment hit her a moment after she said it, but she forgot to feel embarrassed about it when she saw Alyssa’s cheeks colour and a small smile dance across her face.

“Y’know, Em, I think that’s the nicest thing anyone has said about me in a while. A long while. Thank you. I’m really glad we’re friends.”

_Friend._

“Ah, don’t mention it. And I’m really glad we’re friends too.” She knew she sounded nervous, but she grinned and hoped Alyssa hadn’t noticed. Something was gnawing at her, though.

“Alyssa, can I ask you something?”

A look flashed across her face, almost too quick for Emma to catch. Was she nervous?

“Sure, shoot.”

“Earlier, when I bought that chocolate, you went a little quiet? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable so you don’t have to answer, but I wanted to ask, why?”  
Alyssa looked down at her coffee and chewed on her bottom lip for a few moments while she collected her thoughts. It looked like she was debating what to reveal to Emma.

“So, my Mom is kind of intense about a lot of things, and most of them kind of suck for me. One of those things is studying, which is what I will have to do when I get home. Another of those things is what I eat. She just wants me to be healthy, I guess. So I never really get to have chocolate, and when you went into the aisle so easily, I just, I forgot how much I _fucking love chocolate_.”

She ended her answer emphatically, which made Emma grin.

“Do you want some? I don’t want to corrupt you or anything, but it’s pretty good and a bit won’t hurt.”

Emma pulled out the chocolate and unwrapped it in front of Alyssa. As she made to break off a piece, Alyssa stopped her by placing her hand across Emma’s.

Emma swallowed, realising her mouth was suddenly very dry.

“Can I break it?”

Emma nodded, but it felt criminal to pull her hand away from Alyssa’s. She was satisfied by the look on her face though, as Alyssa broke the chocolate into a bite-sized piece and brought it to her lips. She closed her eyes, savouring the moment, while Emma was trying very hard to not stare.

_Amazing. Stunning. Beautiful. Gorgeous._

The absolute delight Alyssa was feeling plastered itself across her features as she chewed the piece in her mouth was nearly enough to make Emma want to buy ten more blocks of chocolate.

“This. Is. Phenomenal.”

“I know, right?”

Emma snapped off a piece for herself and joined Alyssa in her chocolate-induced reverie. She hadn’t noticed the point where Alyssa stopped being consumed by the chocolate bar and instead focused intently on Emma.

“Can I ask you a question too?”

It was Emma’s turn to be nervous.

“Hit me.”

“Why are you volunteering with your grandma at ESA?”

Alyssa looked eager to know the answer, but Emma just felt her heart fall. Telling Alyssa the whole truth was out of the question, but she didn’t want to lie to her either. Besides, she felt confident that Alyssa was a good person, so lying wasn’t going to be an option. Emma settled on somewhere safely in between.

“My parents and I didn’t really get along very well. It’s a long story, but it wasn’t working. So, a couple of Friday’s ago, I got home from school and a couple of bags were packed, full of my stuff, and were outside the doorstep. I tried to open the door, but the locks were new and my key didn't work. So I called my grandma, and, uh, I've been with her ever since. It's nicer living with her, but she does make me come to ESA on Saturdays. At first I didn't want to, but it's actually pretty fun now that I've done it a few times.”

Emma didn't know when to stop, so she just did. It was the truth, just not all of it. She didn't give Alyssa the reason.

Alyssa’s face fell while Emma answered her question. She was silent for a while, for long enough to start to worry Emma.

_Not safe. Not safe._

Alyssa wordlessly stood up and skirted around the coffee table before pulling Emma up and into a hug. The tightest, gentlest hug Emma had ever experienced. She felt tears threaten to fall, so Emma shut her eyes and rested her hands on Alyssa’s shoulder blades.

_Safe safe safe safe safe._

It was Emma who finally pulled away, sniffing softly and trying to muster a smile. Alyssa’s brow was furrowed and her lips were pursed.

“Emma Nolan. You are _completely brilliant_. And your parents are missing out. And I am so, so sorry.”

Emma's smile wasn't forced this time.

“Can I give you my number? I mean, if you ever need anything, someone to talk to or someone to listen or just to take your mind off it, I'd really like to be that friend. It's not much, and I know I won't be your first pick or anything, but please know I'm always around if you need.”

“Why wouldn't you be my first pick?”

That seemed to stump Alyssa.

“Oh, I just thought some of your other friends…” She tapered off as Emma shook her head bitterly.

“I’m kind of out of luck in that department, usually. On Friday? When you said hi to me in chemistry? That was the first time someone spoke to me that day.”

“But, Emma, that was the last class of the day?”

Emma watched Alyssa’s face collapse again.

“ _Em_ , I…”

“Hey, it's okay. It's not your fault, but I do really appreciate you being nice to me and all. It's made school more bearable, definitely.”

Alyssa looked like she might cry. She wasn't toying with Emma like she worried about last week. She was sincerely hurt for Emma. The realisation made Emma’s stomach flip, despite everything.

“Give me your phone.”

The instruction was soft, but Alyssa sounded resolute.

Emma handed it over, and Alyssa typed her number before sending herself a message. When she handed the phone back, Emma saw that Alyssa had punctuated her own name with a green heart.

She saw the fierce look in Alyssa’s eyes and knew she finally had a friend.

God, she hoped that she could be satisfied with _friends_.

  
* * *

  
As soon as the girls left and Betsy sourced some tea from the kitchen, the women shared a quiet laugh.

“You and I are on the same page about those two, aren’t we?”

“Seems like it. I think we should agree to prompt them, but not to meddle.”

“Definitely, Betsy. Besides, it doesn’t look like they need meddling anyway.”

Betsy smiled at that and sipped her tea with amusement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't be able to write very much over the next few days, but I'll hopefully have something out early next week!


	4. “Spending more time than I should (I sound like you, I knew I would)”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma rounded the corner and her thoughts fell away. Alyssa was bouncing on her toes, looking restlessly down one hallway. When she swung around and saw Emma, Alyssa grinned so wide that a dimple appeared. Emma was rooted in place as Alyssa made her way down the empty corridor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me a bit longer to churn out than I thought! I hope you enjoy this instalment!
> 
> Chapter title from I Got You - Amy Shark

Saturday, 8:43 p.m.

 

_ Hey, it’s Emma _

_ I just wanted to say that I appreciated today  _

_ and I owe you some more chocolate _

  
  


_ hey em :) _

_ you don’t owe me more chocolate but _

_ i won’t say no!!! _

_ you’re my friend em, i meant everything i said. _

  
  


_ Thank you, you’re the best friend I’ve had in forever _

  
  


_ ditto. i feel like i can actually _

_ talk to you and you’ll listen to me? _

 

_ Listening to you is the fun part! _

 

_ :) _

________

 

Sunday, 12:18 p.m.

 

_ hey! i didn’t see you at church? _

 

_ Hey, I used to go to church with my parents  _

_ Grandma lets me avoid that thankfully _

 

_ oh of course  _

_ im so sorry :( _

 

_ It’s okay, I promise _

_ :) _

 

_ well, it was no fun anyway _

_ you didn’t miss much _

 

_ Sounds like I missed out on seeing you _

 

_ you did!  _

 

_ My Grandma just asked if you wanted to come over  _

_ for dinner tonight?  _

 

 

_ It’s late notice and you’ve probably got plans,  _

_ but she kept badgering me to ask you _

_ Totally fine if you don’t want to _

 

_ i would love that, but my mom has scheduled _

_ me in for studying all night :/ _

_ raincheck??? _

 

_ Cool cool cool cool cool _

 

_ you watch b99!?!??! _

_... _

_________

 

Monday, 10:01 a.m.

 

_ okay, i worked it out _

_ you’re a bull! _

 

_ Alyssa, I’m going to need some more context _

_ Also, don’t you have a class now? _

 

_ yeah, but calc is boringgg _

_ your star sign, it’s taurus right??? _

 

_ That’s one hell of a guess, how’d you manage it?? _

 

_ i was doing some research and  _

_ it sounded like you! _

_ guess mine!! _

 

_ Aries? _

 

_ how??? in the world?? _

 

_ April 12th, right?  _

 

_ Alyssa? _

 

_ get a hall pass and meet me _

_ ________ _

 

Emma didn’t really think it through, she just threw her hand straight into the air. 

 

“Yes, Emma?”

 

“Can I go to the bathroom?”

 

She saw her music teacher internally groan, but a hall pass was held out and Emma hurriedly retrieved it.

 

_ Meet Alyssa where? When? She probably meant at lunch or  _ _ — _

 

Emma rounded the corner and her thoughts fell away. Alyssa was bouncing on her toes, looking restlessly down one hallway. When she swung around and saw Emma, Alyssa grinned so wide that a dimple appeared. Emma was rooted in place as Alyssa made her way down the empty corridor. 

 

“You know my birthday?” Alyssa tried to keep her voice quiet, but her bubbly excitement was palpable. Emma felt a rush of pride fueled by the fact that she had made Alyssa Greene smile like  _ that.  _

 

“So, I have a confession. I went to follow you on Instagram, but I decided against it because I figured your friends would probably give you hell for it.” Alyssa frowned at her suggestion, but Emma continued to dig herself a hole. “But I found your account and your privacy settings are  _ terrible  _ and that’s how I found out.”

 

Part of Emma expected Alyssa to finally get the idea that she was uncool, a loner, and the type of person that stalks her only friend on Instagram. Instead, Alyssa seemed curious.

 

“You didn’t follow me because you thought it would upset my friends?”

 

“Um, I thought it might upset you, actually.”

 

Alyssa wordlessly reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. After some swift tapping, Emma saw her Instagram account appear on Alyssa’s screen. 

 

“Em, I’m going to say this as many times as it takes for you to hear it, but I really like hanging out with you.”

 

Alyssa extended her arm, showing her phone screen to Emma. There was no ‘follow’ button next to her picture though. Just a box stating ‘following’.

 

“I followed you two weeks ago. I thought you didn’t want to follow  _ me.” _

 

Emma had already felt the heat rise to her cheeks, but she was sure they were pink and noticeable now. She was so distracted by the fluttering in her chest that she hadn’t noticed the footsteps sounding down the hallway behind her until Alyssa backed away and gave her a small wave before turning on her heel. 

 

“Back to class, Emma.”

 

Mr Hawkins’ voice boomed from behind her, shifting her embarrassment from Alyssa to being caught out by the principal. 

 

“Sorry Mr Hawkins, I was just, uh…”

 

Her voice tapered out as she hurried back down the hallway to her classroom. 

 

Emma snuck quietly back to class and slid into her seat. She could feel her face still warming her features and couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d just been caught doing something forbidden. Alyssa and her were friends, why did it feel so alarming to be speaking to her alone in front of the lockers at school? Why did she notice that Alyssa wasn’t wearing her new lip gloss? Why did her chest explode into triumphant joy when Alyssa told her she had already followed her on Instagram.

 

Instagram.

 

Emma slipped her phone out of her pocket and hurriedly typed in the handle she had already memorised, took a sharp breath, and hit ‘follow’ before she could chicken out.

  
  


* * *

  
  


_ Instagram: emma_nolan is now following you! _

 

Alyssa couldn’t help it. She knew she was in the middle of class. And that her teacher was talking about something important. Not that she could remember what that was, exactly. The notification just nudged her over the edge.

 

Alyssa Greene giggled in class.

 

It was quiet, but that didn’t stop half the class noticing her smiling at her phone. Just the sheer amount of  _ delight  _ she felt from seeing that notification had bubbled over and forced Alyssa’s ‘perfect student’ facade to crack.

 

And for the first time, she didn’t care. She didn’t care that she was caught on her phone in class, or that her friends would quiz her about it later. She didn’t even care that she couldn’t answer the next question Ms Hastings asked her about limits or partial derivatives or whatever it was she was teaching that day. All she cared about was that  _ Emma Nolan had followed her on Instagram. _

 

Monday, 10:38 a.m. 

 

_ FINALLY _

 

_ I can’t believe I didn’t notice you followed me _

 

_ i like being your friend _

_ it makes me happy _

_ and if my other friends have a problem with that _

_ that’s their problem _

 

_ I like being your friend _

_ :) _

 

_ :) _

 

_ ___________ _

 

School was more fun when you’re friends with Emma, Alyssa decided. It still bothered her that she couldn’t find Emma at lunch, and that her other friends made it very clear they didn’t like Emma. Alyssa was sure it was because they just didn’t take the time to get to know Emma, and if they knew that being her friend made someone feel this exhilarated, then everyone would be clamouring for her attention. 

 

Maybe Alyssa liked that she was the only one who seemed to see how special Emma was.

 

Monday had been shockingly Emma-less after their meeting in the hallway, but it didn’t stop them from texting into the night. Tuesday didn’t deliver much quality time either, since Alyssa only got to see Emma during history. At one point, she had made a face at Emma when their classmates began arguing with the teacher for the rights to study Ancient Rome for the assignment. Emma had tried to suppress her reaction into a smirk, but a laugh escaped her before she could squash it. Alyssa thought it was the most enchanting sound she had ever heard in her life, and it was something  _ she made happen.  _ Still, Tuesday didn’t have enough Emma in it for Alyssa’s liking.

 

Wednesday was the perfect day. Alyssa had history, lit,  _ and  _ chemistry with Emma all before lunch. Alyssa spent the first two of those classes trying to catch Emma’s eye, and then feeling very warm and flustered and skittish when Emma met her gaze. 

 

God she loved being Emma’s friend. 

 

Chemistry required more of Alyssa’s attention than her other classes, which was kind of a bummer. They were supposed to be making peanut brittle, to help them understand how saccharides and proteins worked together in a chemical equation. The fact that she had to make sure she wasn’t going to burn herself or Kaylee with the bunsen burner meant that she had to focus more on the open flame and less on how Emma’s lips pursed together while she conducted the experiment on her own, without a lab partner. 

 

It didn’t stop Alyssa sneaking a glance or two her way, though. 

 

Kaylee was writing some observations in her book while Alyssa heated the saucepan over the bunsen burner. That gave Alyssa enough time to look over at Emma, who was already pouring her mixture into a pan to cool. Her tongue poked through between her teeth while she concentrated on her finished product. Alyssa thought about how adorable she looked when she was focusing. It was enough for her to chew thoughtfully at her bottom lip, and to totally forget about the saucepan she was holding. Emma’s eyes rose to meet Alyssa’s almost at the exact moment Alyssa realised she had heated the mixture entirely too much.

 

Kaylee shrieked loudly as hot, sticky, almost-peanut brittle exploded all over her notebook, narrowly missing her writing hand. Alyssa dropped the saucepan unceremoniously on the bench, with the impact causing molten liquid to splash onto the sleeve of her sweater. It hadn’t quite burned through to her skin by the time she pulled the sweater over her head. The mixture cooled and stopped bubbling quite so frantically, and Kaylee’s screams had quietened to silent horror. Alyssa felt her cheeks heat when she realised everyone’s eyes were on her, for blowing up freaking peanut brittle. 

 

Alyssa wanted to disappear, to become as small as she suddenly felt, to escape the glare of Kaylee and the stares of her classmates. That was, until Emma started laughing.

 

Emma’s laugh rang out over the silent class, and suddenly Alyssa didn’t bear the burden of the spotlight on her own. It was loud, so much louder than the giggles Alyssa had wrought from Emma before. It was exactly how Alyssa imagined sunshine might sound, and it was glorious. 

 

What was even more surprising than Emma’s joyous outburst was how Alyssa joined her, forgetting her embarrassment and dissolving into a fit of laughter. Some of her classmates snickered and motioned critically at Emma, but Alyssa didn’t care. For once, she didn’t care about how she looked or what she did. It was only Emma’s incredible laugh that she cared about. It might as well have been only the two of them in the room.

 

Once their teacher had settled the class enough and consoled a very sulky Kaylee, he had sent Emma and Alyssa outside to compose themselves. Alyssa carried her brittled sweater with her as they walked towards to bathrooms, but they were still plagued with fits of laughter.

 

It was Emma who finally gathered herself enough to breathlessly speak.

 

“Alyssa, you are  _ incredible. _ ” 

Alyssa choked a little on her laughter as her stomach flipped nervously. Why was she nervous? Then again, how could she not be when Emma was looking at her like  _ that  _ and Alyssa didn’t quite know what to think of it until much later when she decided that it looked like a mixture of admiration and bewilderment that had been set on fire. Alyssa was sure she wouldn’t forget that look. 

 

“How am I incredible? I just  _ blew up peanut brittle.” _

 

_ “Exactly!”. _

 

Alyssa couldn’t help it, she started giggling again. This time, she felt more nervous than she did when all eyes were on her in class. 

 

“Um, it’s really cold out and I think your sleeve is kinda toast. I have an emergency jacket I keep at school, and if you want you can wear it? You don’t have to though, I mean, it’s probably not something you’d want to wear, I just don’t want you to be cold on the way home…” 

 

Emma spoke quickly and earnestly, and Alyssa felt something in her chest soften. When her rambling began to sound more nervous than concerned, Alyssa reached out and skimmed her fingertips down Emma’s arm. The softness in Alyssa’s chest disappeared only to make way for the dizzying effect the touch had on her brain. 

 

“That’s so sweet, and I’d be really grateful. Thanks, Em.”

 

Emma still looked a little nervous, but her smile made Alyssa forget how to breathe for a second. 

 

Alyssa followed Emma past a long row of lockers and towards the music rooms, which confused her.

 

“Don’t you keep your jacket in your locker?”

 

“Not usually. I’ve had all sorts of stuff poured into my locker before, so I try not to keep anything in there.”

 

Emma sounded jaded, and Alyssa felt seething rage fill her. How anyone could pick on Emma, she would never understand. But she could make them regret it for the rest of their pitiful lives.

 

Emma opened a door tucked into the hallway that Alyssa hadn’t really seen before. The room smelled like it hadn’t had fresh air for a while, and looked like it hadn’t been cleaned since it was built. Instruments and music books littered the shelves, and boxes were stacked precariously against the back wall. Emma reached for a duffle bag behind the door and pulled out a faded denim jacket. 

 

“It’s probably too big for you, but it’s clean and it’ll help keep the chill out?”

Alyssa knew she was smiling widely, but she couldn’t stop it even if she wanted to. She took the jacket from Emma, trying not to notice how their fingers brushed and made that dizzy feeling return. She wordlessly slipped it on and revelled at how it was just big enough to sit past her waist while the sleeves covered her palms. It smelled like lime and sandalwood and  _ Emma.  _

 

And Emma was looking at her again, in a way that made Alyssa more jittery and nervous than she ever felt before. 

 

“It, uh, suits you. Looks great.” 

 

Emma sounded like she needed a drink of water. 

 

Alyssa needed to not feel like she was going to combust. So she asked the only question she could think of.

 

“Why do you keep a bag here?”

 

Emma blinked a few times, like she had a hard time processing the question. 

 

“Not many people know about it, and it’s where I come to when I need a little peace and quiet.”

 

Alyssa felt like an idiot.

 

“So, this is where you spend lunch? I never see you in the cafeteria, and I could never work out where you sit.”

 

“You look for me at lunch?”

 

That question made Alyssa’s cheeks burn, and she found it hard to look directly at Emma.

 

“Yeah, I mean, I like messaging you and all, but I prefer hanging out with you in person. I thought maybe you’d like to sit with me at lunch sometimes. My friends aren’t great company, but they can be fun and they’d figure out pretty quickly that you’re awesome and, I don’t know, I just really like spending time with you? And there is only so much time we get to talk on Saturdays at ESA…”

 

Now it was Alyssa’s turn to ramble. When she finally looked up, Emma’s eyes were shining and she was smiling fondly. 

 

“I like spending time with you too. C’mon, we better get back before someone steals my peanut brittle. You want some of mine? I don’t have a partner and yours is  _ definitely  _ not edible, so…”

 

Emma made Alyssa laugh like it was the most natural thing in the world, and Alyssa pushed the fluttering in her stomach away as she followed Emma back out into the hallway.

 

Saturday couldn’t come quickly enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much if you've left me a kudos or a comment on the last couple of chapters, they mean so much and help motivate me to write these two dorks. Stay tuned for some upcoming angst!


	5. “this is really gonna mess her up”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alyssa can't stop thinking about Emma and decides to solve that by getting drunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for underage drinking in this chapter!
> 
> Chapter title from Mess Her Up - Amy Shark

Alyssa was singing to herself when it happened. 

Her mother had found out she had blown up peanut brittle, and the only punishment she could dream up was ordering Alyssa to clean her already-spotless room. For Alyssa, that meant spending a Wednesday afternoon pottering around tidying her things and listening to music. The only thing she had been listening to for the past few weeks was Echosmith, so it didn’t take Alyssa long to choose what to sing along to. The first few songs of the playlist she hummed happily without any cause for concern. She was dusting her mirror and singing quietly when it hit her. 

“And I see colours in a different way   
You make what doesn't matter fade to grey”

Alyssa stared at herself and suddenly couldn't voice the lyrics to the rest of the song. At some point, she had started singing about Emma, instead of singing the lyrics. And that terrified her. 

The song played on in the background, with lyrics about love and destiny and getting lost in someone's eyes plunging Alyssa further into the storm of uncertainty and fear she was feeling.

Alyssa swallowed hard and tried to push the thoughts away, but something clicked at that moment. Something that couldn’t be un-clicked. Something that made  _ so much sense _ , and absolutely petrified her at the same time. 

When she got a text from Shelby about a party later, on a Wednesday of all nights, Alyssa didn’t hesitate to agree to the invitation. Her mother could be persuaded easily enough, especially if she mentioned how it could help her get captain of the cheer team and class president in senior year. And if she lied and said it was a sleepover at Shelby’s. Alyssa just needed to not think for a while, and if it was the type of party Shelby usually invited her to, she could guarantee herself a night of not thinking. 

About Emma. 

_ Shit. _

_ Breathe in. Breathe out.  _

_Drink._

###    
  


The music was too loud and the smell of cheap alcohol was too strong for Alyssa to be enjoying herself. She stood with Kaylee and Shelby, sipping at something that made her tongue feel like it was bathing in acid and trying to avoid the looks of some of the older junior and senior guys at the party. She was only a sophomore and their smirks were enough to make Alyssa want to call the police for restraining orders. Kaylee and Shelby both seemed comfortable with all the attention, so all Alyssa could do was refill her cup and pray that the god-awful taste would drown out her fears and the voice in her head reminding her that she would rather be picking up litter or swimming through a sewer with Emma than standing around at this party.

When the alcohol stopped tasting so feral, Alyssa finally started to relax. Her cup was full again, though she wasn’t sure whether it was by miracle or by tall-and-smelly jock. The crudely smelling liquid sloshed over the edge of the cup as she danced along to a beat that she could feel reverberating in her ribcage. Someone was pressed close to her back, but Alyssa had her eyes closed and could pretend it was someone that didn’t smell sweaty or breathed through their mouth. Alyssa found it  _ much  _ nicer if she imagined it was Emma.

_ Emma. _

Why wasn’t she at the party? She should be at the party. She should be  _ here. _

There was a hand on her waist, too heavy and grippy to be Emma’s. The bass throbbed in Alyssa’s ears while she thought about how much better this party would be if Emma was with her and she had some of this amazing alcohol too.

* * *

The other end of the line sounded like the phone had been left in front of a subwoofer, but Emma could still hear Alyssa’s excited slurring when she accepted the call.

“ _ Ems!  _ You jus’  _ have  _ to get over here. The music is  _ so fun  _ and  _ this shit tastes so good  _ and I want to dance some more.”

Emma couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face at hearing the usually very-put-together Alyssa Greene drawl and hiccup through a couple of sentences. Still, Emma was more than a little concerned. Emma hadn’t had any alcohol before, but she had seen her parents drink enough to know that Alyssa being this far gone was bad news. 

“You okay there Alyssa? Sounds like you’ve had a lot to drink.”

“I’d be better if you were here dancing! And if this stupid boy would leave me alone.”

Emma’s throat closed up a little at that. Her eyes flicked to the clock, which read a little past eleven. 

“Is someone bothering you? Can you get away from him?”

Alyssa was thoughtfully quiet for a moment, despite the obnoxious beat hammering through Emma’s phone. 

“Come get me?”

Alyssa sounded heart-wrenchingly vulnerable at that moment, and Emma felt her resolve edge past her worry. 

“I’m coming, Alyssa. Where are you?”

Alyssa mumbled out a street name, and Emma figured she’d be able to find wherever that ridiculous music was playing from when she got there. She promised Alyssa to get there as quickly as possible, and hung up. Pulling on some jeans and a hoodie, Emma rushed out of her room to find Betsy snoring softly on the couch. Emma gently nudged her awake and ignored the grunt of disapproval she garnered from her grandmother.

“Grandma? Alyssa is in a bit of trouble, I mean, she’s been drinking and needs someone to go get her, and she called me. Can you please drive me there?”

Emma really should have waited until Betsy was more awake before laying so much on her, but to her credit her grandma managed to nod in agreement and immediately reach for her handbag.    
  
  
  


When Betsy parked the pickup on the kerb outside a house with an offensive paint scheme and an even more offensive level of music coming from the backyard, Emma suddenly felt a little unsure of herself. The people at this party were the types of people that decidedly despised Emma and usually tried to make her life as unpleasant as possible. Even if no one knew she was gay, the school’s bullies still deemed Emma worthy of their torment. 

It was as if Betsy had read her mind, and her next words were just firm enough to renew her resolve. 

“Come on, Emma. Alyssa needs you right now. I’ll wait right here for you both.”

Emma set her jaw and steeled herself for the extraction of a very-drunk Alyssa Greene, even as she felt the familiar onset of butterflies in her stomach at the prospect of seeing her. Emma knew that she could completely ruin the only friendship she had by letting her crush on Alyssa get out of hand, but it’s not like Alyssa helps keep the feelings at bay. Her personality is downright effervescent and she makes Emma feel like she’s the most important person in the world when they’re together. It wasn’t her fault that Alyssa was completely magnetic.

The party was loud and crowded and filled with just enough intoxication that Emma thought she might be able to slip in and out unnoticed, hopefully with Alyssa in tow. She searched the faces of the inebriated crowd until her eyes landed on Alyssa, who was swaying precariously in the throng of drunk dancers. Emma began to make her way towards her, and as she did the scene cruelly came into greater focus. 

Alyssa had her arms slung around the shoulders of a broad-shouldered senior who was being entirely too handsy for Emma’s liking. In fact, Emma was wondering just how gruesomely she could hurt this jerk for taking advantage of Alyssa while she was this far gone. Her rage gave her confidence the inflation it needed to cut in on their drunken dance and gently pull Alyssa away from the older guy. Emma had already put a few feet between them when he finally reacted.

“Hey! Where do you think you’re goin’? Me and Alice are having a good time.”

Emma turned only enough to glare the him down.

“Go find someone less drunk to harass, because  _ Alice  _ isn’t interested.”

Possibly deciding it wasn’t worth his effort, the senior turned away and started scouting for his next target. 

“Ems? You’re here?”

Alyssa’s eyes were wide and shining, even if the alcohol had blown out her pupils a bit. Emma found herself feeling way more protective of Alyssa than a friend probably would. 

“Yeah, I’m here. Wanna get away from all this?”

Alyssa bit her lip and cast a glance around behind her, but the smile that lit up her face as she nodded reassured Emma that she was doing the right thing. Alyssa stumbled suddenly and reached out, gripping Emma’s outstretched hand for stability. When she righted herself, Alyssa giggled uncontrollably and laced her fingers clumsily through Emma’s. 

She wasn’t sure what was louder at that moment, the bass or the beating of her heart. 

When they reached the front yard, Emma squeaked out a question past the fluttery feeling in her chest. 

“Do you want me to take you home?”

Alyssa’s previous giggling was replaced by a panicked look in her eyes, and Emma had definitely never felt this protective of a friend before.

“I can’t go home, my mom… I can’t.”

“Hey, it’s okay. You can crash at mine tonight, if you want to. We can wait this out until the morning and you can go home tomorrow instead?”

Emma’s indirect question received a series of definite nods from Alyssa, who had tightened her grip on Emma’s hand. By the time they reached the truck, Emma had lost some of the feeling in her palm. It was totally worth it. 

“Grandma, Alyssa doesn’t want to go home when she’s like this. Is it okay if she comes home with us and stays until the morning?”

Betsy looked at Alyssa, who unceremoniously burped and had begun snickering at herself, and nodded in agreement.

“Her mother would never let her leave the house again if she saw her like this. She can stay as long as she needs, Emma.”

Emma half lifted, half pushed Alyssa into the truck and climbed in behind her, but before Betsy had even turned them around Alyssa had slumped onto Emma’s shoulder and was blinking sleepily. By the time they arrived in Betsy’s driveway, Alyssa was well and truly asleep. Emma woke her only enough so that she could walk inside, with Emma supporting most of her weight. 

Alyssa dragged her feet alongside Emma until she was lowered down onto Emma’s bed, where she immediately curled up and closed her eyes. Emma wrenched her gaze away from the sight of Alyssa  _ on her bed  _ and went to pull out a shirt and some pyjama pants for Alyssa to change into.

“Alyssa? You can wear these tonight, I think they’ll be a little comfier to sleep in than that dress. I’ll leave them here for you.”

She folded them and placed them on the edge of the bed, but Alyssa only murmured incoherently. Emma picked up her own pyjamas, destined for a night on the couch, and was just about to close the door behind her when Alyssa’s voice called her back inside.

“Em? I wish I danced with you tonight. Your hands are softer and you smell better and I think you are very pretty.”

Alyssa’s eyes were closed and she spoke with a smile drifting across her face, and Emma was grateful that she couldn’t see the blush that burned her cheeks. 

_ Was Alyssa  _ _ —? _

Before she could stop herself, she reached out to gently tuck a curl behind Alyssa’s ear. The noise Alyssa made was soft and contented, but Emma’s embarrassment finally caught up with her and she hurried out of her room.

Emma tried and failed to sleep for what felt like hours when thoughts of Alyssa finally gave way to the gentle waves of darkness and dreams.

 

When Emma woke up in the morning to find her bed vacant and a hastily scrawled  _ sorry, I had to go home before school - A  _ on a post-it, she felt the panic set in.

What if Alyssa had been awake and sober enough to remember her tucking her hair behind her ear? Had she completely freaked her out? She had crossed a line that she had begged herself not to cross before, and now Alyssa couldn’t bear seeing her? 

These thoughts plagued Emma as she got ready for school, and the panic slowly drowned out Emma’s hope that she hadn’t completely destroyed the best thing in her life.

###    
  


Thursday, 2:09 p.m.

_ hey emma, i didn’t properly thank you for  _

_ coming to get me last night. can we talk? _

Emma couldn’t bring herself to reply and find out what Alyssa wanted to talk about. So she didn’t. 

* * *

It was Friday afternoon when Alyssa’s phone buzzed, and she pondered whether she should make Emma wait for a reply like she had waited a whole day for Emma’s. After deciding that it was probably a little too petty, and that she did really want to speak to Emma and find out exactly how drunk she was on Wednesday night, she flipped her phone over on the desk. 

But it wasn’t Emma’s name that lit up her notifications.

It was Kaylee’s.

Then Shelby’s.

Then Nick’s.

Every message was exactly the same, as if it had been copied and pasted from one source.

###    
  


Friday, 8:23 p.m.

_ Emma Nolan is a fucking lesbian ! _

###    
  


Alyssa felt something inside her crumble. She stared at her phone while more messages popped up and the cheer and debating group chats became active with the urgency of teenage gossip. All Alyssa could do was watch as her peers talked about Emma,  _ her friend,  _ as though she were some kind of sideshow amusement. Unthinkable to look at but entertaining to make fun of. Alyssa felt as though she might be sick.

How had Alyssa not known? Didn’t Emma trust her?

When a call from Kaylee rang through to her phone, Alyssa let her ringtone play out. 

There was only one person she wanted to talk to, and Alyssa wasn’t sure she even knew she’d been outed yet. Alyssa pressed the call button next to Emma’s name, and simultaneously wished for Emma to pick up and for her to never answer. 

###    
  


Friday, 8:28 p.m.

_ hey em. please call me back? _

_ emma?  _

Friday, 10:03 p.m.

_ Emma, I don’t know if you know, but somehow _

_ people in our class found out something about you  _

_ and everyone thinks you’re a lesbian. I don’t care if  _

_ you are or if you aren’t, I just want to make sure you _

_ are okay. People suck but you don’t, and you’re a _

_ better friend than any of those assholes.  _

_ Please call me?  _

###    
  


The ‘I miss you’ stayed in Alyssa’s message bar, unsent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. But I'm also not sorry at all. Wreck me in the comments.


	6. "baby you're on fire, let me help"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Psycho - Amy Shark

Alyssa couldn’t help but feel disappointed when Emma didn’t show up to volunteer at Edgewater Senior Apartments that Saturday. Betsy wasn’t there either, and Emma still wasn’t answering her messages. She waited around at the reception office for what seemed like hours before heading in to find Louise, finally accepting that Emma wasn’t coming. Alyssa mourned the steady rhythm that the recent Saturdays had brought her, and the joy that Emma’s company had wrought from her. 

She must have been wearing a grim look on her face, because Louise didn’t greet her in her usual way. Alyssa isn’t sure how she would have responded to Louise’s ‘wonderful feeling’ comment today anyway. Probably not in a way her friend deserved. Instead, Louise reached out and held Alyssa’s hand.

“Oh, darling. What’s the matter?”

_ Emma is a lesbian and the school is ruthless. _

_ I started relating songs about crushes to Emma. _

_ She won’t even respond to my messages or call me back. _

_ I’m worried about her. _

_ I’m worried about me. _

Out of everything she might have mentioned, her voice fell away for a treacherous sob to escape her. Louise’s concern washed over her face but Alyssa couldn’t focus past the tears clouding her vision. 

“I — Emma…” Alyssa trailed off into watery sobs as Louise guided her to the space on the chair beside her. 

“Unfortunately, we heard about Emma here too. A daughter of one of the residents here passed on the town gossip and circulated it before breakfast was over. Thankfully, most of the people here will forget that news by dinner, but some of them… some are very much set in old, ridiculous ways of thinking.”

Two things shocked Alyssa. The first was just how quickly gossip moved around a small town like Edgewater, and the second was how Louise sounded when she spoke about it. She wasn’t angry or disgusted or offended like so many others were. She sounded dejected, and maybe even a little hurt? Which is exactly how Alyssa had been feeling, and she was sure Emma was worse off. 

The thought of Emma trying to cope with being outed and ridiculed dragged another sob from Alyssa’s chest. 

“Why are you crying, Alyssa?” The compassion that filled Louise’s words eased the ache in her heart just enough to respond.

“Because Emma is my friend and she doesn’t deserve this and if only all those people  _ actually knew  _ just how  _ good  _ she was then maybe they wouldn’t be so mean and Emma would call me back and know I wasn’t one of  _ them.” _

The pent up emotions spilled from Alyssa when she was finally able to talk to someone about it. Her mother was completely out of the question, given how she had been lectured Alyssa about the ‘right kind of company’ to keep at school since Emma was outed. Her school friends were definitely not the kinds of people she wanted to talk to about this, for equally obvious reasons.

Two things became very clear to Alyssa at that moment. She knew Emma had been kicked out of home a few weeks ago, and that was probably because she was a lesbian. And that, if Emma hadn’t even come out to Alyssa, her parents were probably the ones that outed their daughter to the entirety of Edgewater. Suddenly she was no longer holding back her tears, she was biting back her rage. 

“So, you're not upset that she’s gay?” The question confused Alyssa just enough to pull her back from her plans of murdering Emma’s parents. 

“No, I mean, not really? I wish I had found out from Emma, but that's not her fault. I know what the bible says about being gay, but Emma isn't a bad person. She's the best person I know.” Alyssa felt the embarrassment wash over her as she overshared, and nudged Louise's arm gently. “Present company excluded, of course.” 

That earned a laugh from her companion. “Well, I'm glad you don't have the reservations that most people hold in this town. I would have had to teach you a thing or two if you were upset with Emma. I think it's a good thing that you think for yourself, dear. This town could use more of that.” 

Alyssa sighed and she felt the hot emotions leave her suddenly hollow. “I just wish I could do something for her. I doubt I could stop the school from bullying her, but she still has a friend. I want her to know that.”

Louise had a thoughtful look on her face while the silence grew between them. Alyssa dried her tears on the sleeve of her sweater, which she had chosen for its frumpiness this morning. It was the first time in a while that Alyssa hadn't wanted to look  _ good  _ in an effort to impress Emma. She just wanted to look like Alyssa today, in case she did make an appearance.

“I have an idea if you want to show Emma that you’re thinking of her?” 

“I’ll try anything. What did you have in mind?”

 

*    *    *

 

Edgewater had frozen over. Emma could feel it. It was cold and isolating and freaking frosty. 

It had started with a couple of taunting messages, but when the personal attacks started it was too much to bear. The first person that sent her a text over her parents ‘not wanting to know their gay daughter’ was the first time that it really got to Emma and broke her down. 

And then Alyssa had messaged, and Emma just  _ could not  _ endure this if she hated her too. The text sat on her phone, unopened and unread. While Emma cried, she figured that if she never read the message, it could never hurt her. Even as she fought to believe it, her heart ached. 

She barely slept at all that night.

When Saturday arrived, Emma only felt lonely and despondent. The humiliation at being outed, the fear she felt every time a text buzzed in, and the pain in her chest each time her thoughts wandered to Alyssa all dulled when the morning rolled around. Emma felt like she had shut down, her body’s way of protecting her from the complete agony of the past twelve hours. She felt so numb that she barely registered the knock on her bedroom door. 

Betsy entered cautiously, wearing a worried expression. Emma didn’t speak, lest the numbness recede and make the hopeless feeling come rushing back. When her grandmother sat beside her on the bed and pulled her into a tight hug, she wondered whether this was all she needed. One person in her corner, looking out for her and supporting her no matter what. Her brain argued that one person was enough, but her heart knew this would be easier with a friend too. God, she wanted that person to be Alyssa. 

She choked back a sob, but the tears had already begun to fall again. 

“Kiddo, let’s do something today. Just you and me. We can bake cookies and cakes, we can go for a drive, see a movie… anything you want. What do you say?”

Emma’s breath shuddered, but she knew her grandmother was right. She needed to not wallow for the entire weekend. And if she did nothing all day, she would just think about Alyssa, and whether or not she had gone to ESA. If she didn’t, she might be avoiding Emma. That was something she couldn’t afford to think about too long. 

“Can we go for a drive? Out of Edgewater? I don’t care what we do, but a day away sounds really good.” She knew her voice sounded small and broken and childish, but Betsy just squeezed her tighter. 

“Of course we can, kiddo. You know what? I already have an idea onf where we should go. How about you get dressed and I’ll get some breakfast ready?” Her grandmother’s tone was so calm, so gentle, so loving. Emma felt the warmth of unconditional love run through her, and suddenly the world didn’t feel so bleak. 

“Thank you, Grandma.” Betsy smiled warmly and moved to the door, but Emma stopped her before she left. “I mean,  _ thank you _ , for everything. For…” She didn’t have the words to express how she felt, but thankfully Betsy seemed to understand.

“I know, Emma. I love you, kiddo. And you never need to thank me for that.” 

“I love you, too.” 

  
  
  
  


Betsy drove the pickup, but Emma barely noticed where they were or where they were headed. Her thoughts were filling her mind, shouting for her attention, but she didn’t have any solutions to her problems. She had been outed, and her privacy had been taken from her. Her  _ agency  _ had been confiscated by kids and adults who had never even noticed her before they thrust her into Edgewater’s gossip gallows. Any plans she had made to come out to Alyssa when she was ready and in her own way had been burned, trampled, and left to starve in a ditch. Now the school ridiculed her, the town scandalised her identity, and her only friend had been taken from her before she was ready to take that risk. A small part of her knew, though, that she would never have felt ready to risk Alyssa’s presence in her life. Even if it could never have been the type of relationship she had started to want with her. 

When Betsy parked the pickup on a busy street in the city, Emma’s depressive spiral came to a halt too. 

“I wanted to bring you here for your birthday, but I figured today is as good a day as any. Ready to go inside kiddo?”

The truck was parked in front of a place that looked like the coolest music store she’d ever seen. A neon sign titled it ‘The Music Den’, and through the glass windows Emma could see rows of vinyls and CDs sandwiched between keyboards and guitars and drum kits. Tears welled in Emma’s eyes, but for the first time since yesterday they weren’t borne of sadness and embarrassment. She only felt loved and understood.

“Grandma… this place looks amazing. How did you find it?”

Betsy had a twinkle in her eye and a smile on her face when she responded. 

“Ever since you told me how much you love playing guitar at school I’ve been looking for a place to take you so you can pick out your own. The Google told me about this one and it sounded like exactly the right kind of place to bring you.”

Emma did something she had truly thought she might not ever be able to do again. She laughed. It kind of shocked her, really, but so had her grandmother. ‘The Google’ may have helped her find this place, but Betsy had listened to her and concocted a plan to get her granddaughter a  _ freaking guitar.  _

“But, Gran… they’re too expensive…”

Betsy’s snort cut her off. 

“I’ve already looked into the cost and I’ve got it covered, I promise. Besides, I didn’t want you to just play that crappy old school guitar in that little band closet of yours for the rest of your life. I want to hear you play at home too.”

Yep, Betsy Nolan was the best person on this planet. Emma was sure of it.

  
  
  


Emma had tried nearly every guitar the shop had on offer, and Betsy had eagerly listened to Emma plucking at the strings of each one, even when it sounded out of tune and downright painful. The one she fell in love with and Betsy had insisted she take home as an early birthday gift wasn’t the one with flame decals or the glow-in-the-dark fretboard. It was a simple acoustic guitar made from a darkly coloured wood, and when she strummed a short melody on it her grandmother had silently cried. When Emma saw the pride in her eyes, she knew it was the one. Anything that could make her grandmother happy like that was the best guitar she could wish for. 

That, and Emma had noticed its very reasonable price on the tag. 

The radio was turned off on the drive home that afternoon, with the sound of the acoustic filling the cabin of the pickup instead. Her fingers ached and her melodies were imperfect, but Emma couldn’t stop. If she did, this feeling of complete joy might leave her and she wasn’t ready for it to go yet. Besides, Betsy had demanded that her ‘beautiful music’ be played until they got home.

The sky had begun to darken by the time Betsy parked back in the driveway of Emma’s home for the past few weeks. Though, when she really thought about it, this place had always felt like her home, more than anywhere else. Emma had only had that feeling one other time, with one other person. 

A small box sat just next to the front door, wrapped up with a purple ribbon. At first, Emma’s heart sank. Was it a prank? A trick from someone at school, meant to push more shame onto her. A small piece of paper was tucked under the ribbon that Emma cautiously fished out and opened. Betsy just looked confused, but didn’t say anything while Emma read the note. 

_ Emma, _

_ I know everything sucks right now, but I want you to know that all I want is to be just as good a friend to you as you’ve been to me. I’m on your side, and I’ve got your back. People are really fucking awful and you have never deserved anything but kindness from those losers. I think you’re brave and strong and I want you to know just how much you mean to me. I know you don’t have any reason to trust anyone right now, but I hope I can earn your trust. You’ll find a few things inside the box that I wanted you to have, including a USB with some of my favourite songs. I found out something important about you in a shitty way, and these songs are my way of giving you a piece of me that I don’t trust anyone else with. Please text me or call me if you need anything. I’m always available for you. _

 

_ Alyssa  _

 

The handwriting was so perfect a computer might have printed it, but it was so genuinely  _ Alyssa  _ that Emma knew it was from her. Was it really possible that Emma being a lesbian hadn’t scared off Alyssa? Maybe she should have checked that text after all.

“Y’know kiddo, I think you’ve got someone else that cares about you too.”

Emma hadn’t noticed her grandmother reading over her shoulder, but was she really surprised? She folded the note quickly, her cheeks feeling very warm, and carried the box inside along with her guitar. Betsy didn’t argue with Emma retreating to her room to deal with the contents of the box. 

The purple ribbon slipped off easily, and Emma pushed the lid off smoothly. Inside the box sat a little rainbow pin with a package that suggested it was for kids and not a pride parade, but the colours soothed Emma’s anxieties. Alyssa was actually cool with it. And that was very cool to Emma. Next to the pin was a small cat keyring. How did Alyssa know she loved cats? She couldn’t remember bringing it up, but decided they must have talked about it at some point. Tucked into the corner of the small box was the promised USB, which Emma immediately plugged into her laptop. 

The USB listed one document and nine audio files in a sole folder titled  _ me, for you. _ Each track was nameless apart from a number between one and nine. She clicked on the first track instead of the document, deciding to come back to that later.

The second the song began she knew what it was, and  _ Jesus  _ Alyssa was an asshole, but in the best possible way. Toy Story’s ‘You’ve Got a Friend in Me’ crooned out loud in Emma’s room and for the second impossible time that day, Emma laughed. 

Track 2 and 3 played Marvin Gaye’s ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough’ and another motown classic ‘River Deep, Mountain High’. Track 4 was ‘Superwoman’ by Alicia Keys, and the next song was Cher’s ‘Turn Back Time’. Track 6 and 7 were the most shocking to Emma, being ‘Shake It Off’ and ‘Gotta Be You’ by Taylor Swift and One Direction respectively. Alyssa, the most popular girl in school, listened to both serious music from Alicia Keys and top 40 trash. And Emma loved it. The final two tracks were songs she knew very well. Track 8 was ‘Imagine’ by John Lennon followed by Echosmith’s ‘Bright’. When the last notes faded out, Emma opened the document file. 

Each track was named and numbered down the left side, and a message from Alyssa was written next to every single one.

 

_ 1 - And don’t you forget it. _

_ 2 - I don’t really remember my Dad very much, but I do remember what he used to listen to. He loved Motown, and this was his favourite song. _

_ 3- Same as above, except this one is my favourite song that he used to play. _

_ 4 - This is the song I listen to when I’m upset and doubting myself or if I’ve just had a bad day.  _

_ 5 - My mother adores this song. IDK why, but she plays it so much that I love to hate it.  _

_ 6 - This is my favourite song to play before I cheer and debate at school. _

_ 7 - If you make fun of me for this… that’s probably fair. In my defence, they’re SO GOOD. _

_ 8 - I’m not sure when I first heard this one, but it’s one of my favourites. It’s so hopeful. _

_ 9 - This song has quickly become my new favourite. I feel bright when we hang out together, especially on our Saturdays. Some of the song isn’t relevant, but we both love Echosmith and I think we were meant to be friends.  _

Emma was grinning by the end of the list. Alyssa had translated little pieces of herself into a playlist  _ just for her. _ Sure, Emma might have noticed that she had a couple of not-friend feelings for Alyssa, but if just being her friend felt this good… maybe it wasn’t such a bad fate. 

Emma laboured over crafting a text message for Alyssa for a few minutes, all the while trying to think of a discreet grand gesture so she could return Alyssa’s honesty and openness. She couldn’t come out to her in the way she wanted, but she could reciprocate somehow. By the time she had finished the message, she also had a very stupid, very scary idea forming that might be just a little excessively ‘grand’. 

  
  
  


_ Hey you _

_ I got your gifts and I love them so much :) _

_ Thanks for sharing your music with me,  _

_ I like how it helps me know you a little better. _

_ Thanks for not being like everyone else.  _

_ This weekend has sucked so far apart from  _

_ my grandma and you, so thank you.  _

_ I really mean it. _

 

_ P.S. I can’t BELIEVE you love One Direction _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has left a kudos or a comment on this fic! It really helps motivate me to write and I really do appreciate the time you take to read this and leave a bit of feedback. You guys are great, and good things are in store in the future. Might end up as more than 8 chapters at this point!


	7. "there's a place for us (there's a tiny little room for two)"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is a) shorter than normal and b) later than normal. I just started back at Uni for the semester and I'm getting back into the swing of being around people more than usual. Still, I hope you enjoy this little instalment! 
> 
> Chapter title from 'Weekends' - Amy Shark

Emma had been practising the chords all of Sunday, but when she started fiddling with the tuning of her strings she began to realise just how underprepared she was for this secret grand gesture. She only had a day to find a tab she could memorise and learn the lyrics, but she was out of time now. She had snuck herself into the lineup for the assembly, or at least Mr Hawkins had allowed her to take a few minutes after the band’s rousing performance of ‘Call Me Maybe’. At least he seemed to not be completely homophobic.

Sure, she was doing this to show her appreciation for Alyssa’s friendship, but she also knew that this was a statement to her peers that she wouldn’t hide away from their bullying. She was going to hold her head up high and be who she was.

And Emma was terrified. 

The final crash cymbals clanged together, and Emma was up. A microphone had been set up on the stage with a short stool placed underneath. Emma carried her guitar to the centre of the stage and only allowed herself to look into the crowd once she had sat down. She could see the faces of her classmates and students she’d never spoken to that twisted into scowls and wrinkled noses while some students jeered at her. 

She couldn’t find Alyssa’s face in the crowd of students in front of her, so she turned her attention back to her guitar. Emma forced a shaky breath out of her lungs before she started plucking at the strings. 

The melody pulled her attention away from her audience and she made it through a whole verse that didn’t sound too bad, at least to her ears. By the time the next verse started rolling off her tongue, she chanced a long look out into the crowd. Almost immediately she locked eyes with Alyssa, and instantly she messed up the lyrics she was singing. 

Maybe it was the distance or the lighting or Emma’s eyesight, but Alyssa had never looked at her  _ like that  _ before. Her smile was small but warm, and her head was tilted ever so slightly to the side. 

There were some snickers from the crowd when she messed up the lyrics, but Alyssa just kept looking at her with a fondness that had never been directed at Emma before. 

Emma knew that her crush was definitely more than a crush by now, but she liked Alyssa so much she didn’t even mind they were just friends. 

She stumbled through the last chords of the song only to be met with grumbles from the audience and a smattering of applause, probably from freshmen that hadn’t already heard Emma’s secret. 

Emma felt a lot less brave without the music and with the growing silence of the crowd and she just wanted to escape. Her grand gesture had been grand, and probably showed a lot of people that she wasn’t scared of their bullying, but it also left her feeling a little embarrassed. She walked directly off the stage, retrieved her guitar case, and headed straight to the band closet without waiting for the assembly to finish. 

The room was dusty, but it felt more comforting than most places in the school ever had for Emma. She reclined on the old crates that were stacked against the wall and tried to calm her breathing that had spiked after her performance. 

So she liked Alyssa.

Her breathing quickened.

She stopped breathing altogether when a hesitant string of knocks sounded on the other side of the windowless door. Emma debated whether to answer or not, but she was more than a little curious as to who had found her space. 

She cracked the door open, only to find Alyssa waiting on the other side. Her mouth was skewed into a doubtful expression, like she had been debating to stay or leave like just had. When she saw Emma, though, Alyssa’s whole expression changed. Emma knew she hadn’t imagined the soft look from earlier when Alyssa fixed it on her face again, but she did seem a little more nervous than she had in the audience. 

“Uh, can I come in?” Emma realised she hadn’t said anything since she opened the door, and her breath caught in her throat as she nodded and opened the door wider. Alyssa passed closely in front of her and into the small room, and Emma tried hopelessly to fight the increasing pace of her heartbeat. 

“I like your guitar.”

“Uh, thanks. My grandma bought it for me on Saturday.”

They stood facing each other in the little room that Alyssa had only first set foot in a week earlier, but the atmosphere seemed to be very different. The air between them was charged, and the silence that stretched out between them wasn’t helping to diffuse the tension Emma was feeling. Alyssa must have felt it too, because when she did speak she rushed her words to fill the space. 

“Your performance was amazing, and you’re so brave for getting up there and singing in front of all those people. I’m sorry everyone has lost their minds and that you were outed, and are you actually gay? I’m sorry, that’s probably  _ really  _ inappropriate of me to ask, I’m sorry —”

Emma felt the tension fade away as she cut Alyssa’s tirade off with a laugh.

“Alyssa, hey, it’s okay. I wish I could have told you myself, but yeah, I’m a lesbian. Thanks for not making fun of me like everyone else. Oh, and thanks for the presents you left me, it means a lot that you’d do that for me.”

Alyssa opened her mouth and closed it quickly as if she stopped herself from saying something. When she did speak, she sounded a little more vulnerable than Emma had ever heard from her. 

“I wanted you to know that I don’t totally suck like everyone else in this town. And I am really sorry that you got outed, and that you haven’t had anyone to talk to about it. Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, shoot.”

“Why  _ Imagine _ ?” 

The question caught Emma off-guard. She had expected a question about her sexuality, about how she knew, or how long she had known. Not a question that she hoped she would never be asked.

“Well, uh, I listened to the music you gave me and I really like that song too, and I think it’s got a great message?”

She ended noncommittally, and Emma thought she saw disappointment flash across Alyssa’s features.

“And, I mean, I wanted to thank you, in a way that didn’t make you a target for everyone else, and I didn’t know how else to do that.”

She hadn’t exactly meant to say that, but it was true, and it made Alyssa’s disappointed look transform into a grin she hadn’t seen since the last time they were in the band closet together. 

“Emma Nolan, you are without a doubt the bravest person at this school, and the kindest person I’ve ever known.”

She couldn’t stop the blush that flooded her face, but Emma could try and hide it by looking at her shoes. It didn’t help as she watched Alyssa reach toward her and lightly took Emma’s hand in her own. Emma felt like she was about to spontaneously combust, starting with her cheeks. The contact was electric to Emma, and she felt compelled to look up at Alyssa again. The same fondness featured on Alyssa’s face from before, and Emma knew she was a goner. 

“Come to ESA on Saturday. Some of the residents there heard about you, but most of them will have already forgotten, and Louise is actually really cool with it. Besides, it means we can hang out somewhere other than a glorified cupboard?”

Not quite trusting her voice, Emma nodded as emphatically as she could. Alyssa’s contagious grin disrupted the look Emma had quickly grown addicted to seeing, but Emma liked Alyssa’s face like this too. She liked Alyssa’s face no matter how she looked. 

Alyssa’s hand lingered in hers a moment longer before falling back to her side. Emma immediately felt the loss deep in her chest.

  
Okay, so Emma  _ really  _ liked Alyssa. A painful, joyous, stupid amount.

 

*     *     *

 

Alyssa had a crush on Emma. This is  _not a big deal._

Even though it sort of felt like a big deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm undecided on whether to split the final chapter into two parts or just throw it all out in one go, so this may have been the penultimate chapter? Nevertheless, expect an update in a week or so (and please hold me to this promise, I'm committed to finishing it and your comments make writing waaaaaay easier and fun for me).


	8. “only on weekends I have no room for anyone else but you”

“I have a wonderful feeling about today, Alyssa.”

 

Alyssa’s mouth curved into a smile as she stepped into the room, relishing in the comfort of her friend’s positivity. Alyssa’s lack of sleep over the past week, her endless nerves, and the way her chest aches at the idea of seeing Emma today completely derail any chance she has at playing it cool and not broadcasting the fact that she, formerly straight-as-an-arrow Alyssa Greene, has a  _ big time crush  _ on Emma Nolan. Thankfully, she could relax a little with Louise before Emma showed up and complicated things. 

 

“Lou, I’m not so sure where you get all these positive feelings from, but I’d like to know your secret.”

 

Louise turned around at that, a puzzled expression on her face. 

 

“That’s not usually something you have too much trouble with, love. What’s the matter?”

 

Alyssa sighed heavily. She hadn’t intended to give away her mood so quickly, but she couldn’t deny how safe she felt confiding in Louise, especially after their conversation last week. Maybe getting a little bit off her chest now would help her cope with Emma’s presence later? Alyssa was willing to try anything to not ruin her friendship with Emma. The only thing worse than not being able to explore these feelings would be to not be in Emma’s life at all.

 

“I’ve had a lot to think about this week. About what we talked about last week. And I think I’m really okay with Emma being a lesbian, despite what everyone else thinks.” 

 

Alyssa let the word ‘lesbian’ take up extra room in her mouth before she let it roll off her tongue, deciding that it didn’t sound nearly as coarse as people made it out to be. She actually thought that it suited Emma really well. Louise looked at her expectantly, but she wasn’t quite sure how to continue.

 

“So, um, I spent a lot of time thinking about Emma. And I think she’s being really brave and handling it really well even if the circumstances suck. I just really admire her for it, and I was thinking about how I’ve never been brave like that in my life.”

 

It wasn’t a lie. She  _ did  _ admire Emma for being so strong in the face of bullying and rumours. Louise just didn’t have to know exactly how much she admired her. 

 

Louise chuckled softly, seemingly to herself, before she beckoned Alyssa over to the chair across from her own. Alyssa moved further into the little room and heeded Louise’s request to sit down.

 

“Alyssa, there’s something you should know. Emma isn’t the only lesbian in Edgewater.”

 

Louise looked as though she was waiting for Alyssa to say something, but all she felt was confused. And a little paranoid. Like somehow Louise had listened to her thoughts that kept returning to how pretty Emma looked when she grinned, how her heart raced when she reached out to touch Emma’s arm, how her chest ached when she wasn’t close to her...

 

“She isn’t?”

 

Louise’s eyebrows arched upwards until the penny dropped for Alyssa.

 

“You…”

 

“It was never something I intentionally hid from you, but I’m sure you can understand why I don’t go around yelling that I’m a lesbian in this place.”

 

Alyssa nodded silently, words escaping her at this revelation. 

 

“I worked it out later in life, in my late 20s. I fell in love with the most beautiful woman in the world, and she fell for me too. We didn’t have it easy, though, and a lot of the people in here are the same people that made it so difficult back then. Thankfully, most of them are too senile to remember my name, let alone why they hated me for years. There aren’t too many people that know, really. After my Maria passed, it just stopped feeling important. Betsy Nolan has known for years, now that I think about it. She was quite a bit younger than me, but she was never a part of the crowd that made life difficult. She’s a good egg.”

 

Alyssa nodded again, but the shock was wearing off. It all made sense to Alyssa, why Louise seemed so different to the other residents, and how she and Betsy got along so well. Alyssa was unable to get a word in as Louise continued on.

 

“She’s a good egg alright. And so is her granddaughter.”

Alyssa’s cheeks warmed of their own accord, and she shifted her eyes away from Louise, who was super-not-helpfully smirking at her. Was she that transparent?

 

“Yeah, uh, Emma is a good friend. Better than any of my other ones.”

 

Louise chuckled lightly and leaned back into her armchair. 

 

“Sweetie, how about you let me in on whatever is going on in your head right now. I don’t bite, and I don’t judge.”

 

Alyssa kept her eyes averted, but she let out a sigh that had been keeping her shoulders tense. If Alyssa wanted answers and advice, the best way was to talk to Emma. And since that was completely out of the question while Alyssa struggled to think about anything except the curve of her friend’s lip, Louise being a veteran lesbian made for a good second option. 

 

“I’ve been trying to work out lately why I feel like I’m so different to everyone else. Everyone else, except maybe Emma. I never feel like I’m myself when I’m with my friends, or my mother, or at church. I don’t even feel like me when I’m alone. The only two people I feel totally comfortable with are you and Emma. Well, that was until I started feeling weird with Emma. Not in a bad way? I just mean that everything has felt heavier lately, like there’s a weight behind everything I say to her. And I’m not sure why I feel so drawn to her and so normal with her at the same time as I feel so… strange around her.”

 

The more Alyssa spoke, the easier the words came. The problem was, she just really had no idea what she was feeling, or how to name these feelings. It was all very confusing and it was starting to make her brain ache. When she finally chanced a glance at Louise, the older woman was smiling wistfully, looking as though she was somewhere other than a depressingly mustard coloured nursing home. (Seriously, who designed this place? Mustard and kelly green? Very uninspired. And nauseating.)

 

“It was the same way with Maria and I. There was this pull, and neither of us could resist it. Neither of us wanted to, actually. It was confusing for both of us, but we knew that our friendship was something special, and what it grew to be was the most incredible thing either of us had ever known.”

 

Louise teared up at the memories she was revisiting, and Alyssa placed her hand over her friend’s comfortingly. God, Alyssa had always wanted a love as strong and cosmic and  _ permanent  _ as Louise and Maria’s sounded. But, if Louise could see parallels with her and Emma… Well, that was a thrilling and  _ terrifying  _ thought.

 

“Louise… What do I do?”

 

She wanted Louise to say ‘Ignore it and it will go away’ or ‘You’re not gay, so don’t worry about it’. Both fortunately and unfortunately for her, Louise said neither of those things. She stood up, reached her hand out to Alyssa, and smiled down at her. 

 

“You come to breakfast with me, and you talk to Emma about how you’re feeling at some point today. I’m no clairvoyant, but I don’t need to be to see the way she looks at you Alyssa. It looks remarkably similar to how you look at her.”

 

Alyssa’s mouth went dry at the idea that Emma might like her, like,  _ like like  _ her...back? That was what it was. Alyssa  _ liked  _ Emma, in a way that was confusing and also so incredibly comforting to know. And, just maybe, Emma might feel the same way about her. Alyssa felt like running away and puking at the same time. Instead, she took Louise’s hand and walked with her to the dining room. 

  
  


There was something different about the dining room this morning, Alyssa was sure of it. She just couldn’t figure out what it was until Louise excitedly gripped her hand next to her. A warm, sweet smell was wafting out from the kitchen that smelled very un-oatmealy. Alyssa cast her eyes over to the glow of the kitchen lights to try and spot the culprit of the mouth-watering smell, only finding something that made her breath catch in her throat. 

 

Emma stood behind one of the stoves dressed up in kitchen garb (complete with hair net) with a pan in her hand. Her tongue peeked out from between her lips while she concentrated on flipping whatever it was she was cooking. Alyssa grinned as fondness washed over her. Yeah, she  _ like liked  _ Emma for sure. 

 

Louise was pulling her forcefully towards the kitchen, and Alyssa finally placed the thing she could smell cooking.

 

Pancakes.

 

Louise’s favourite, and something that Edgewater Senior Apartments  _ never  _ made for the residents. 

 

Alyssa could feel the excitement of Louise next to her, and smiled wider when Louise animatedly demanded a plate of the fluffiest pancakes, and to know who was responsible for this miracle. Amy, one of the regular staffers, poked her ladle that dripped with batter in the direction of Emma. Alyssa damn near felt her lungs melt into her stomach. 

 

Right at that moment, Emma’s gaze moved from her task on the stove and over to Louise, who was still causing a commotion. When her eyes met Alyssa’s, her smile slipped and so did the pan she was holding. The noise of the base of the frypan scuffing the stovetop shocked Emma into saving it from falling to the floor, but when she looked back over to Alyssa, she looked flustered, but not as though she was embarrassed. 

 

Louise tugged at her sleeve, and she finally managed to tear her eyes off Emma. Louise’s eyes bored into her own, and she spoke with such sincerity that Alyssa actually got a little worried.

 

“I swear, Alyssa, if you don’t ask her out  _ I will. _ ” 

 

Alyssa tried to answer, but she only sputtered a few aggrieved sounds before Louise received her breakfast and plodded with determination towards the closest available table. Alyssa glanced at Emma once more before she followed behind Louise, and she was met with a warm smile from Emma that reached all the way to her eyes, then across the room, and squeezed at Alyssa’s heart. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


She looked more radiant than ever, all smiles and curls and dimples and bubbliness, and she seemed to be totally intent on staring at Emma the way that makes her stomach twist and tumble. Alyssa had always been beautiful, but the power she had over Emma just seemed to increase with each passing day. 

 

She watched Alyssa turn and walk away with her own stack of pancakes. Emma knew it was a  _ really bad idea  _ to let her crush on Alyssa grow, but when she looked like  _ that  _ and gave Emma that smile… It’s not exactly like Emma could rein it in if she tried. 

 

God, she hoped Alyssa liked her pancakes. She’d googled how to make chocolate chip pancakes without burning down a whole kitchen, and this was her chance to thank Alyssa properly for being her friend. At least that sounded better than ‘an attempt at wooing her only friend.’ 

 

A particularly strong hip bump from her grandmother, who was also finishing up the pancakes she was making, stunned Emma enough to drag her thoughts away from Alyssa.

 

“I still think this cost too much money for a  _ friend _ you have biology with, but what do I know?”

 

Emma knew she sounded huffy when she replied, but her grandmother had been goading her since she floated the idea.

 

“Do I have to give you a different reason for you to believe me? And anyway, we have chemistry together.”

 

_ “I’ll say!”  _

 

Did her grandmother really have to pick  _ today _ to be as embarrassing as she could?

 

Emma remained flustered, but finished off her kitchen duties by straying from the plain pancake recipe and sprinkling a few handfuls of chocolate chips into her final batch. When they were golden on both sides, Emma slipped out of her apron and carried a large stack over to the table Betsy and Louise had claimed as their own. She slid the plate into the centre of the table before sitting down next to Alyssa. It was better than sitting across from her and being caught staring head-on.

 

Emma could practically feel the shift in Alyssa’s posture as she smelled the chocolate chips. Her shoulders stiffened and her movements stilled while her eyes locked onto the plate like it was a target. Emma fiddled with her own hands nervously until Alyssa fixed her with the intense gaze she had been directing at the innocent pancakes. 

 

“Are they… chocolate chip pancakes?”

 

Alyssa sounded like she wanted to check she wasn’t hallucinating or dreaming. Emma couldn’t help the grin that rushed out onto her face.

 

“Yep. There’s enough chocolate in there to make sure they taste good, despite the lacking skills of the person that made them.”

 

“I think you might be the most amazing person on the planet.” 

 

Alyssa still hadn’t lost that intense look, but for a moment she could have sworn Alyssa’s eyes dropped to…

 

“Are we just going to stare at them, or can we eat these pancakes before they go cold?” 

 

Betsy had slipped into the chair beside Louise, and the older duo were both looking very amused when Emma finally drew her gaze away from Alyssa. Emma’s head nodded in response to her grandmother’s question and her cheeks coloured as she felt Alyssa still looking at her. 

 

Emma, needing something to do to expel her nervous energy, distributed pancakes to each of their plates. It was no big deal that she put the extra pancake on Alyssa’s plate. She was just being thoughtful.

 

Alyssa was seemingly unable to contain herself any longer and began consuming the pancakes like she hadn’t eaten in days. Emma couldn’t help but watch her while she picked at her own plate. She was still radiant and beautiful like before, but there was an endearing cuteness Alyssa had that Emma knew she could never get enough of. And it was especially obvious while she scooped chunks of pancake into her mouth and left chocolatey trails around the edge of her lips.

 

_ Oh God, her lips. _

 

Everyone finished their pancakes quickly, but not as fast as Alyssa. Louise gave her a run for her money, but had slowed now that she’d eaten two stacks of pancakes. Alyssa moved as though she was about to speak, but Betsy’s shit-eating tone cut her off.

 

“You really shouldn’t wear hats at the table, Emma dear.”

 

Emma felt the blood rush from her face as she remembered the unsightly hair net that she forgot to remove in the kitchen.  _ Of course  _ Alyssa had been looking at her so strangely. 

 

She ducked her head slightly and went to remove it, but her fingers brushed against Alyssa’s as they reached for the elastic band of the net. Emma held her breath as Alyssa gently loosened the hair net and set her curls free. Maybe she was imagining it, but she thought she felt Alyssa’s fingers comb through her hair softly as she brought her hands back down, the net sitting on her palm.

 

Emma wasn’t sure she would ever breathe again. It’s not like she could remember how to, in that moment. 

Alyssa still hadn’t said anything, and Emma was having trouble reading her expression. Before she could figure it out, Louise cleared her throat, louder than Emma thought was necessary.

 

“Alyssa, didn’t you say you had to talk to Emma about something? I think it was about your chemistry… homework, wasn’t it? You can talk about it in my room, if you’d like. Besides, Betsy and I have a bet to settle and we’ll need a few minutes to work it all out.”

 

Louise immediately turned to Betsy and sparked a conversation, dismissing the two teenagers from the table. Alyssa was frowning, and Emma was confused.  _ We had chemistry homework? _

 

Alyssa’s hand shot out and grabbed hers before Emma could register the fact, and she was being pulled very quickly from the emptying dining room. Emma could only follow behind Alyssa and stare at their clasped hands, wondering why they fit so perfectly around each other. 

 

Louise’s room was small, but it was certainly quieter and calmer than the dining room and other communal areas in the nursing home. 

 

The mustard walls (seriously,  _ mustard _ ?) washed out nearly all the colour in the room, except for the green windowsills and chairs that sat in the corner. Emma didn’t spend too much time assessing the interior design though. She was too focused on the girl in front of her, standing in the centre of the room. 

 

The silence dragged out between them. Emma could tell Alyssa was tense, and it made her so nervous she might have been sick. Had she done something wrong? Were the pancakes so terrible they couldn’t be friends anymore? God, was she getting friend-broken up with?

 

When Alyssa broke the silence, it wasn’t at all what Emma was expecting to hear.

 

“How did you know you liked girls?”

 

Emma felt her jaw drop open slightly, and when she regained the use of her brain she shut it with haste. The whiplash from her anxiety to being asked about her sexuality made her head spin while she tried to answer.

 

“I think my parents always knew, but I didn’t have much of a clue until middle school. Do you remember how I used to be friends with Kaylee back then?”

 

Alyssa’s eyebrows drew together sharply as a frown pulled at the corner of her mouth, but she nodded at Emma’s question.

 

“Well, I didn’t really have any clue until I started questioning why I wanted her to approve of me, and why she never did. I had a little bit of a crush on her, probably because she was one of the only people that talked to me in middle school? When I realised that the things I was doing to try and get her to like me more weren’t what other girls were doing for their friends, I started to work it out. God, please never tell Kaylee that, she already hates me enough as it is.”

 

Not that Emma didn’t trust Alyssa to keep this between them, but holy  _ shit  _ it would give Nick the go-ahead to beat the crap out of her at school. 

 

“Do you still like her?”

 

Alyssa’s voice sounded shaky in a way Emma hadn’t heard before.

 

“No way, not with how she’s been mean to me for years now. Besides, it was only a crush. I got over it pretty quick.”

 

Alyssa let out a breath she must’ve been holding, closed her eyes and took a step closer to Emma. They were still a couple of feet apart, but Emma felt her pulse quicken and pound louder in her head. 

 

“Okay, so that’s a relief. Because I like you, Emma.”

 

The pounding became thunderous.

 

“And I like you in a way I haven’t liked anyone before, especially not boys. They’ve always seemed like a necessary evil, y’know? Until now, because I’m starting to see them as completely useless. Is that weird? Not the boys thing, but the you thing? Have I fucked up?”

 

Emma couldn’t have remembered a great number of things in that moment. What day of the week it was, what she’d cooked for breakfast, her last name - all those facts forgotten. Because Alyssa Greene, her long-time crush and best friend of the last several weeks… liked her? Alyssa’s face started to crumple at her stunned silence, and Emma rushed to stop that from happening.

 

“Wait, really? You like me? In a best friend way, or…”

 

Emma didn’t know how to finish that sentence, so she left it hanging there while Alyssa confirmed her nearest and dearest hopes.

 

“That’s great! I mean, it’s great for me, because I like you too. So much. Not a weird amount though, but a whole lot.”

 

Alyssa, who had just looked like she was going to burst into tears, instead laughed with disbelief. 

 

_ God, you’re so cute when you laugh. _

 

Emma watched Alyssa’s cheeks darken with colour, and then felt the heat trickle into her own. 

 

“Shit, did I just say that out loud?”

 

Alyssa laughed again, and took a step closer.

 

“I think you did. And  _ you’re  _ cute when you blush.”

 

As if on cue, Emma’s face flushed a shade darker.

 

“So, um, would you like to go on a date with me?” 

 

Alyssa grinned so brightly Emma thought the sun rose for a second time that day.

 

“I’d  _ love  _ to go on a date with you.”

 

Alyssa took another step forward, and Emma felt the air around them crackle with electricity. At least, it seemed like it did, as Emma leaned forward and finally let her eyes drop to Alyssa’s lips. 

 

In the moment before their lips met, Emma heard Alyssa’s breath catch in her throat. The rush of confidence it gave her helped her close the gap.

 

Their lips brushed against each other, and Emma only had a moment to marvel at just how  _ soft  _ and  _ right _ Alyssa’s lips felt before she felt hands cupping her cheeks and her bottom lip being tugged firmly by both of Alyssa’s. 

 

After what seemed like a frustratingly short amount of time, Alyssa pulled away and rested her forehead against Emma’s. They breathed each other in inside the bubble of fondness and familiarity that settled around them. 

 

Emma watched through half-lidded eyes as Alyssa bit down on her bottom lip.

 

“You wanna know something?”

 

“Mmm?”

 

“Saturday is my favourite day of the week.”

 

“Mine too.”

  
  


* * *

 

When the girls walked back into the now empty dining room with flushed faces and flustered body language. As the girls approached, Betsy noticed how Emma’s bottom lip was darker than either of Alyssa’s and squealed with glee. She held out her hand to Louise, who glumly dumped a 20 dollar bill into Betsy’s outstretched hand. Sure, she had won the bet, but she was sure Emma and Alyssa won a lot more that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, we made it! thanks for sticking this journey out with me, and if you're here right now that means I have to thank you for lots of things! for all the comments, the kudos, the silent readers - you've made this a really fun and rewarding work. especially to the commenters, you're incredible and have made my day multiple times!
> 
> thanks for all the love, i hope you've enjoyed this as much as i have!
> 
> Chapter title from Weekends - Amy Shark

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I appreciate every kudos and comment that ends up on this little ol' fic. See you next time!


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